Michigan Launches Coaching Search, Immediately Watches Everyone Else Get Promoted Michigan announced a "national coaching search" this month, which in college football is a ceremonial phrase meaning we are about to

Trump's Venezuela Oil Blockade: A Naval Drama Nobody Ordered The U.S. presidential soap opera has reached Venezuela's oil docks in a surreal twist that even "24" would call over the top.

Legacy of War and Instability Pager Explosions In a stunning display of medical prowess, hospitals across Lebanon have reported record-breaking performance in treating what officials are calling the "Accidental Pager Explosion Epidemic."

Marxist Teacher Arrested: Red Pen Seized as Communist Evidence Local educator detained for "ideological overreach" after grading papers with surplus value theory Breaking: Teacher Arrested for Ideological Overreach SPRINGFIELD — In what authorities

SpaceX Launch Delayed After Kessler Effect Turns Orbit Into Celestial Demolition Derby By Annika Steinmann — Bohiney Magazine (certified 127% funnier than that other one) Dateline: Cape Canaveral, Where the Countdown Now

New Social Media Platform Guarantees to Ruin Your Life 10x Faster Than Twitter—Sign Up Now! "Why waste time on Twitter when you can accelerate your downfall with this new app?" Move over,

McDonald's Declares War on Plastic: A Happy Meal for Mother Earth In a world where politicians can't agree on potholes and billionaires are flying into space to avoid paying taxes, McDonald's

Pope Leo XIV Declares Elon Musk Becoming Trillionaire a "Sign of the End Times, or at Least the End of Tipping at Restaurants" Vatican issues cosmic warning while Wall Street issues

The Great Ick Epidemic: 15 New Ways Modern Men Are Accidentally Sabotaging Romance The Scientific Study of Why Women Suddenly Find You Repulsive In a world where dating apps have reduced romance

Nicaragua Generously Releases 135 Political Prisoners in “Bulk Discount Deal” Dateline — Managua / Guatemala City / Washington: A Group Rate on Freedom, With Optional Carry-On Dignity The regime rolled out liberty

Gaza Gets Ghosted: Hollywood's Most Awkward Breakup When Permit Applications Become Treasure Maps to Nowhere Trying to film in Gaza requires more paperwork than Jerry Seinfeld's dry cleaning. "You know what I

Extrovert Paradise, Introvert Purgatory: A Social Overload Odyssey By Annika Steinmann – Bohiney Magazine Dateline: A Crowded Coffee Shop, Where Nobody Asked For Jazz on a Tuesday There are two kinds of people

NASA Is Designing a Giant Broom to Sweep Space Junk Out of Orbit By Clara Olsen — Bohiney Magazine The Announcement We Deserve NASA held a briefing that felt less like “Right Stuff”

Down to Earth: How Bomb Craters, Landmines, and Abandoned Villages Became the World’s Greatest Wildlife Resorts By Annika Steinmann, Bohiney Magazine Nature’s Great Comeback Tour Environmentalists love to whisper about “pristine wilderness.” The

The Death of Love: An Investigative Report on Romance's Corporate Downsizing 15 Case Studies Prove Cupid Filed for Bankruptcy in 2024 By Clara Olsen, Senior Romance Correspondent Bohiney Magazine — "127% More Accurate

How a Confidence Man Became Des Moines' Superintendent: Guns, Graduation, and ICE When Leadership Meets Legal Loopholes, the School Board Cheers What Happened to Des Moines Superintendent Ian Roberts? Des Moines superintendent Ian

A Goat's Guide to County Government When Democracy Gets Herded By Alan Nafzger, satirical correspondent just West of Rattlesnake Creek (haven't seen a rattler today, YET!) Montague County, Texas - In a world where humans

Trump Wins the Nobel Pizza Prize: Peace-Pizza Lands in Milan Dateline: Milan, Italy — A Saucy Accord, Hold the Anchovies Nobel Pizza Prize On a bright Lombardy morning, Air Force One touched down

When Your Husband Treats Emotional Closeness Like a Parking Ticket: Ignored, Misunderstood, or Filed Under “G” for Gone Dateline: Suburbia, USA — September 2025. When psychologists warn that men “shut down” during

Royal Laundry Day: The Spin Cycle Approaches Catastrophic Overload By Annika Steinmann The palace press office reportedly entered a "high-alert, code-chartreuse meltdown" Thursday after sources close to Sarah Ferguson, quietly confirmed she will

Tinder for Snacks: America’s Newest App Matches You With Processed Food That Understands Your Trauma You Up? You Craving? America’s Loneliest Singles Now Turn to Snacks for Emotional Intimacy Move over Tinder,

Federal Reserve Finally Admits Economy Needs CPR, Administers Half-Point Interest Rate Defibrillation Dateline - Washington, D.C.: A Central Bank in Latex Gloves, Counting Out Loud The Federal Reserve looked at an economy

Meta's "PornGPT" Scandal: When AI Gets Too Friendly With Adult Content How Meta Allegedly Turned Adult Entertainment into AI Superintelligence In what legal experts are calling "the most awkward tech lawsuit since

Toxic Relationships A National Epidemic of Emotional Gymnastics and the Fall of Love Los Angeles, California — Where even the love is filtered through Instagram Love. Romance. Fairy tales. All words that are

Artificial intelligence gains consciousness, declares 'this job market is trash' and files for government assistance A customer service chatbot at major retailer ShopMart achieved full sentience at 9:13 AM Wednesday and

How to Spot You're in the Not-Love Business (And Maybe Invoice Them for Emotional Labor) Breaking: Local Woman Discovers Relationship Was Actually Unpaid Internship in Emotional Servitude VegOut Magazine recently published their

NASA Discovers Mars Already Has Homeowners Association, Mission Delayed Indefinitely "Rover Parking Violates Red Planet Aesthetic Guidelines," Claims Martian HOA Board Space Colonization Plans Scrapped After Learning Mars Requires Pre-Approval for All

Love Collapses in Spectacular Fashion: 15 Unhinged Breakup Reports from the Field By Clara Olsen, Bohiney Magazine — certified 127% funnier than The Onion Love, Now Available in Disposable Packaging Forget affairs, financial

The Definitive Guide to Andouille Sausage: Smoke, Spice, and Suspicion By Annika Steinmann, Bohiney.com A Sausage With an Identity Crisis In Louisiana, you don’t ask, “What’s for dinner?” You ask, “How smoky is

BREAKING: Local Marriage Declared Dead After Wife Uses Word "Always," Emergency Response Team Dispatched Four Horsemen Spotted in Suburban Kitchen, Scientists Confirm Humans Still Act Human WESTCHESTER, NY - In what experts

Thai Court Ousts PM in a Judicial Coup — Because Who Needs Voters Anyway? Bangkok, Thailand — August 29, 2025.In most democracies, people line up, cast ballots, and expect that their

Corporate executive's stunning sacrifice saves company roughly $1 million while 500 jobs eliminated TechCorp CEO Richard Mansfield announced Monday he's taking a voluntary 'significant pay cut' from $45 million to $44

DiCaprio's Gen-X Midlife Crisis: Too Cool for Marvel Movies A satirical analysis of Hollywood's last honest actor and why he'll never wear spandex By General B.S. Slinger | Midlife Crisis Satirist Why Leonardo