How to Avoid 10 Common Job Interview Mistakes and Land Your Next Job (Or At Least Get a Free Coffee)

The Secrets to Acing Job Interviews (Or at Least Surviving Them)

By Delilah ‘Overqualified & Underpaid’ Wiggins

Job interviews are a lot like dating—you spend the whole time pretending to be someone you’re not, and at the end, you’re ghosted anyway. But fear not! If you’ve been rejected more times than an expired coupon, it might be because you’re making one (or all) of these common job interview mistakes.

Here’s how to avoid them—and maybe, just maybe, convince some corporate overlord that you’re the perfect cog for their soul-crushing machine.

• “A job interview is just a blind date where one person has all the power and the other pretends they don’t desperately need rent money.” – Jerry Seinfeld
• “They always ask, ‘Where do you see yourself in five years?’ Bro, I don’t even know what I’m eating for dinner.” – Kevin Hart
• “I love how companies want you to have ‘10 years of experience’ for an entry-level job. Like, what was I supposed to be doing? Coding in the womb?” – John Mulaney

Talking Too Much (Or How to Make a Hiring Manager Regret Their Life Choices)

We get it. You’re charming, your mom says you’re special, and your cat thinks you’re a great conversationalist. But the hiring manager is not your therapist.

Hiring managers want concise answers. Not your life story.

Instead of explaining how your childhood lemonade stand shaped your entrepreneurial spirit, try keeping your responses under two minutes. If the interviewer starts checking their phone, glancing at the door, or tapping out Morse code for “SEND HELP” on the desk, you’re talking too much.

• “They say, ‘Be yourself!’ But if I was myself, I’d be in sweatpants eating nachos and talking to my dog. So I guess I’ll pretend to be a ‘team player’ for 45 minutes.” – Tina Fey
• “Nothing tests your ability to lie under pressure like an interview. ‘Do you work well under stress?’ Sure! That’s why I cried in the parking lot before walking in.” – Jim Gaffigan
• “Interviewer: ‘Tell me about a time you faced a challenge at work.’ Me: ‘Well, there was that one time my boss emailed me without a subject line, and I had to decide if I cared enough to open it.’” – Ali Wong

Dressing Inappropriately (Are Sweatpants Considered ‘Business Casual’ Yet?)

You want to stand out, but there’s a fine line between “confident professional” and “escaped from a Burning Man festival.”

If your outfit could double as a Halloween costume or pajamas, reconsider.

Pro tip: If you’re doing a virtual interview, wear pants. You never know when your camera might slip, revealing that you’ve been conducting the interview in boxer shorts with “Hire Me” scribbled in Sharpie.

Showing Up Late (Or “How to Start Your Job Off on the Wrong Foot”)

Nothing screams “I’m reliable” like showing up late to the one event that determines whether you’ll have rent money next month.

Pro tip: Arriving exactly on time is the same as being late.

Aim to get there early. Worst case? You get to sit awkwardly in the waiting room, reading outdated magazines and contemplating your life choices.

Lying on Your Resume (Yes, They Actually Check That Stuff)

We all exaggerate a little. But there’s a difference between “Proficient in Excel” (meaning: you once opened a spreadsheet) and “Fluent in 17 programming languages” (when your only coding experience is fixing your grandma’s WiFi).

Remember: If you say you’re fluent in Spanish, and your interviewer greets you with “¿Cómo estás?” you’d better have more than a panicked look and “Uh… tacos?” as a response.

Failing to Research the Company (Or When “So What Does Your Company Do Again?” Goes Wrong)

Nothing says “I deeply care about this opportunity” like asking the interviewer what the company does while you’re in the interview.

At least skim the “About Us” page on their website. If your research consists of stalking the CEO’s vacation photos on Instagram, you’re doing it wrong.

Asking Terrible Questions (Like “So, What’s the Wi-Fi Password?”)

You’re supposed to ask questions at the end of an interview, but there’s a difference between insightful and ridiculous.

Bad questions include:

• “Do you drug test? Asking for a friend.”
• “If I don’t like my manager, is it cool if I just don’t listen to them?”
• “How soon can I quit without it looking bad on my resume?”

Instead, ask about company culture, growth opportunities, or how many coffee breaks you can take before HR gets involved.

Overusing Corporate Buzzwords (Or, “Synergy Your Paradigm Until It’s a Win-Win”)

Sure, you want to sound professional, but if your entire answer is “I leverage my dynamic skillset to create robust solutions with proactive innovation,” you’re basically speaking in LinkedIn gibberish.

Try using real human words. Hiring managers are tired of hearing “passionate go-getters” who are “thrilled about thought leadership.” Just say, “I get things done without making my coworkers hate me.”

• “They always ask, ‘What’s your greatest weakness?’ I don’t know, probably answering this question without admitting I nap at my desk.” – Seth Meyers
• “A job interview is just an acting audition where you pretend to be the best possible version of yourself, and at the end, they still hire someone’s nephew.” – Trevor Noah

Trash-Talking Your Last Job (No Matter How Much You Want To)

No one wants to hear about how your old boss was a micro-managing gremlin who made you work weekends and stole your lunch.

Pro tip: If your last boss was a nightmare, describe them as “detail-oriented” and “hands-on.”

The minute you say something negative, your interviewer is imagining you badmouthing them in your next interview.

Not Having a Good Answer for “Tell Me About Yourself” (AKA The Trick Question from Hell)

This is the moment you should shine, but somehow, your brain shuts down, and you either:

• Ramble for 10 minutes about your childhood hamster.
• Freeze like a deer in headlights.
• Panic and blurt out, “I’m a Scorpio?”

Here’s a cheat code: Keep it short and focused. Something like, “I’m an experienced marketing professional with a passion for social media strategy, and I once won an office donut-eating contest.” Boom. Memorable and professional.

Forgetting to Follow Up (Because Apparently, You Need to Send a ‘Thank You’ Email Like It’s 1857)

You wouldn’t ghost someone after a great first date, so why ghost your interviewer?

A simple “Thank you for your time” email can set you apart. Bonus points if you reference something specific from the conversation—like their love of dogs, their favorite coffee, or the awkward moment when the fire alarm went off.

Just don’t overdo it. A follow-up is good. A dozen emails, a LinkedIn connection, and a friend request on Facebook? Yikes.

• “When they ask ‘Why do you want to work here?’ you can’t say the real answer: ‘Because I like food, shelter, and not living in my car.’” – Wanda Sykes
• “The worst part of a job interview? When they say, ‘We’re like a family here.’ Oh great, so you underpay and emotionally manipulate me? Perfect.” – Bill Burr

Final Thoughts (Or “May the Odds Be Ever in Your Favor”)

Job interviews are stressful, awkward, and designed to test your ability to talk about yourself without sounding like a narcissist. But if you can avoid these common mistakes, you might just get that job—or at least make it to the second round before they go with the CEO’s nephew.

Good luck! And remember, no matter what happens, you can always say, “It was a learning experience” and go eat an entire pizza in defeat.

15 Observations About Job Interviews

The Resume vs. Reality Paradox
Your resume says “proficient in Excel,” but in reality, you only know how to change the font and accidentally turn all the cells blue.

The Great Lie of “We’ll Be in Touch”
When a hiring manager says, “We’ll be in touch soon,” what they really mean is “We’ll never speak again, but you’re welcome to refresh your inbox obsessively for the next two weeks.”

The “Tell Me About Yourself” Anxiety Spiral
This question turns every normal person into a malfunctioning robot. “Uh, well, I… am… a person. And, uh… I have a job. Well, I had a job. I like… turtles?”

The Dreaded “What’s Your Greatest Weakness?” Trap
You can’t say “I’m a perfectionist” because that’s too fake. You can’t say “I have a crippling addiction to TikTok” because that’s too real. So you panic and say “I care too much about my job,” even though you once called in sick to finish a Netflix series.

The Outfit Overthink Spiral
If you dress too formally, they’ll think you’re trying too hard. Too casual, and they’ll assume you live in your mom’s basement. “Does this tie say ‘serious professional’ or ‘groomsman at a wedding I wasn’t invited to’?”

Handshake Horror Stories
Too weak? You look like you’re made of overcooked spaghetti. Too strong? Now you’ve accidentally challenged the hiring manager to a duel.

The “Do You Have Any Questions for Us?” Test
If you say no, you look uninterested. If you ask about salary, they’ll think you only care about money. If you ask “Do you validate parking?” they’ll know you definitely only came for the free snacks.

The Zoom Interview Pants-Free Gamble
You feel safe wearing pajama bottoms—until you have to stand up to grab a pen and suddenly your professional image is ruined by SpongeBob boxers.

The Work History Cover-Up
Explaining that six-month gap on your resume without admitting you spent it mastering the art of making the perfect grilled cheese is a true test of creativity.

The False Confidence Game
Everyone pretends to be their best self in an interview. “I thrive under pressure.” (Actually, you cried last week because you dropped your phone on your face in bed.)

The Fear of Accidentally Saying Something Stupid
No matter how prepared you are, at some point, you will say something like, “I just love being punctual,” after showing up 10 minutes late.

The “I Hope They Don’t Call My References” Panic
You put your old boss as a reference, but deep down, you know they probably remember you as “The one who took an extra-long lunch break every Tuesday.”

The Unwritten Rule of Corporate Speak
Every job requires you to say things like “I’m a self-starter who thrives in a fast-paced environment,” when in reality, you need a five-minute break after sending an email.

The Background Check Stress Test
You haven’t committed any crimes, but the second they say “We’ll be running a background check,” you suddenly feel like you’re on trial for grand larceny.

The Existential Crisis Post-Rejection
“I didn’t even want this job.” “I’m better than this job.” “Why won’t they love me?” “Time to buy a lottery ticket and live off my future winnings.”