Haunted Mannequins
“It Tilted Its Head. Then Said, ‘Have You Contributed to Your Roth IRA?'”
Shoppers at Re-Wear Revival Thrift in Des Moines fled in confusion after the store’s mannequin display–intended to promote vintage cardigans–began exhibiting signs of unlicensed sentience. “It winked at me,” claimed customer Sheila Densmore. “Then whispered, ‘Polyester never forgets.'”
Store manager Clarice Riggs insists the mannequins are just old and covered in dust. “But one did lean over unprompted and rearrange a clearance bin. Also, someone swore they heard it mumble about marginal tax brackets.”
Staff began noticing mannequins subtly changing poses overnight. One held a receipt like a prophecy. Another appeared to weep aerosol Febreze.
The store’s Instagram now features videos with captions like “Haunted Chic” and “We Don’t Move Them. They Move Us.”
Paranormal experts offered to bless the display with sage. The mannequins responded by rotating their heads in unison and humming the chorus of “Take On Me.”
Shoppers now leave coins at their feet for good luck. One woman got a stock tip and a coupon for shoulder pads.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
