Overgrown Facial Hair
“I Just Wanted to Skip Shaving. Now I Guard a Sacred Amulet.”
What began as a lazy protest against razors turned into a magical calling when software engineer Dave Lister’s No-Shave November beard grew to mythical proportions–earning him an unsolicited invitation to join the Society of Bearded Elders (SBE), a secretive wizard council operating out of the back room of a comic book shop.
“I walked in looking for gum,” Dave said. “Walked out with a wand, a velvet robe, and a laminated oath of arcane beardcraft.”
The SBE, whose motto is “By the Beard We Bond,” claims to advise local policy through cryptic riddles and “the occasional mild curse.”
Dave now attends weekly incantation rehearsals and speaks only in passive-aggressive prophecy when troubleshooting office Wi-Fi. He has also stopped responding to emails that don’t begin with “Hail, Wise One.”
His beard now houses three pens, a fidget spinner, and possibly a chipmunk.
“People ask when I’ll shave,” Dave said. “I answer: when the prophecy is fulfilled–or when it gets caught in a zipper again.”
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
