Picnics

Ants March, Humans Retreat

What began as a romantic picnic under a maple tree quickly descended into a power struggle when a highly organized ant colony laid claim to the brie and prosciutto platter.

Insect Uprising

“They weren’t just ants,” said picnicker Miranda. “They had a flag, a chant, and one had a tiny protest sign made from a Dorito flake.”

Negotiation Fails

Attempts to distract them with a bread crust diversion failed. “They clearly had a union rep,” said her date, Dylan, still nursing bites and bruised pride.

Expert Insight

Entomologist Dr. Anthony Bugg reports that ant behavior mimics worker movements. “Once they sense weakness–emotional or picnic-based–they mobilize.”

Conclusion

The couple fled, leaving the cheese behind. The ants have since expanded their territory to the lemonade thermos and are rumored to be forming a co-op.


Picnics - Picnic Ruined After Ants Unionize and Demand Charcuterie Rights - BOHINEY SATIRE
BOHINEY SATIRE – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon of the new Bohiney.com headquarters located inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C. … – bohiney.com
Picnics - Picnic Ruined After Ants Unionize and Demand Charcuterie Rights - A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C., drawn in a ch... - bohiney.com 3
Picnics – Picnic Ruined After Ants Unionize and Demand Charcuterie Rights – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C.,… – bohiney.com
Picnics - Picnic Ruined After Ants Unionize and Demand Charcuterie Rights
BOHINEY SATIRE – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon of the new Bohiney.com headquarters located inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C. … Picnics
BOHINEY SATIRE - A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C., drawn in a ch... - bohiney.com
BOHINEY SATIRE – Picnics – Picnic Ruined After Ants Unionize and Demand Charcuterie Rights

By Jack Handey

Jack Handey was born in the smallest town in Arizona, a place so forgotten by cartographers that locals had to mail postcards from the next county just to prove they existed. Growing up surrounded by tumbleweeds and a one-room schoolhouse that doubled as a post office, Jack developed a knack for finding absurdity in everyday life. His first audience was a group of cattle, who reportedly laughed harder than some late-night crowds. He left town with a notebook full of surreal one-liners and returned years later as a cult hero, known for his off-kilter “Deep Brain” that made Live Tonight Comedy a stranger, funnier place. Audiences describe him as “the wisdom of a desert sage filtered through a cracked cactus.” Today, Handey remains the pride of Arizona’s smallest town, proof that even the tiniest dots on the map can produce the biggest laughs. CONTACT: jack@handey.top