Record Stores

The Grooves Have Ears

Julian, owner of RetroWhirl Records, insists his vintage vinyls communicate telepathically–specifically to insult patrons with poor musical taste and weak handshake energy.

The Vinyl Whisperer

“Fleetwood Mac groaned when that guy in cargo shorts picked up Nickelback,” Julian claims, polishing a record with what might be a beard trimmer.

Customer Confusion

Shopper Carla tried buying a Taylor Swift album but was told, “The vinyl says you’re not emotionally ready.” She left with nothing but doubt and a kazoo.

Expert Opinion

Dr. Audra Hertz, professor of Sonic Anthropology, says, “While vinyl has rich texture, it rarely develops sentience. Usually.”

Conclusion

Julian has filed paperwork to list his store as a ‘Vinyl Sanctuary.’ Yelp reviews are mixed, but the records apparently love the attention.


Record Stores - Record Store Owner Believes He Can Hear Vinyl's Opinions About Customers - BOHINEY SATIRE
BOHINEY SATIRE – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon of the new Bohiney.com headquarters located inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C. … – bohiney.com
Record Stores - Record Store Owner Believes He Can Hear Vinyl's Opinions About Customers - A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C., drawn in a ch... - bohiney.com 3
Record Stores – Record Store Owner Believes He Can Hear Vinyl’s Opinions About Customers – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C.,… – bohiney.com
Record Stores - Record Store Owner Believes He Can Hear Vinyl's Opinions About Customers
BOHINEY SATIRE – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon of the new Bohiney.com headquarters located inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C. … Record Stores
BOHINEY SATIRE - A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C., drawn in a ch... - bohiney.com
BOHINEY SATIRE – Record Stores – Record Store Owner Believes He Can Hear Vinyl’s Opinions About Customers

By Kelly Oxford

Kelly Oxford was born in Birmingham, Alabama, where storytelling is a birthright and sarcasm is served sweet, like the iced tea. She went on to attend the University of Alabama, majoring in Communications while minoring in making professors nervous with her punchlines. A stand-up comedian and seasoned comedy writer, Oxford carved her path with brutally honest humor, turning awkward encounters and Southern quirks into material that resonates far beyond the Mason-Dixon line. At Bohiney.com, she thrives as a satirical journalist, blending Alabama grit with cultural critique to expose the ridiculousness hiding in everyday life and politics. Her voice is equal parts wit and wisdom, delivering EEAT credibility while never forgetting to land the laugh. Whether she’s deconstructing celebrity scandals or mocking small-town gossip, Kelly Oxford embodies the role of satirist with charm, bite, and the authority of someone who can make truth funnier than fiction.