Pretending to work when the boss walks by

Performance Theater: The Olympic Sport of Looking Busy

Performance Theater: The Olympic Sport of Looking Busy

It’s 3:07 p.m. Your Slack is dry, your coffee is warm, and you’re watching a YouTube video titled “How to Look Productive Without Doing Anything.” Suddenly–boss alert! It’s go time. You alt-tab like your rent depends on it. Because it kind of does.

The Art of the Fake Spreadsheet

Studies show that 62% of “productivity” is actually clicking between tabs that look vaguely Excel-ish. Bonus points for furrowing your brow at nothing.

Comedian’s Take

“Nothing makes me type faster than the sound of dress shoes approaching,” joked comic Rayna Torres. “I’ve written the Gettysburg Address in PowerPoint bullets just to look busy.”

Satirical Survey

The Institute for Faux Efficiency revealed 88% of employees open a Google Doc titled “Q3 Strategies” that’s actually a grocery list with bar graphs.

Funny Story

One intern admitted, “I once faked a Zoom glitch for twenty minutes because I forgot the project was due… two weeks ago.”

The Evolution of Slacking

Now that hybrid work is a thing, pretending to work involves strategic keyboard clicks during screen shares and nodding solemnly during all-hands meetings. It’s performance art at this point.

Conclusion

So next time your boss walks by, just squint at the screen, sigh audibly, and say, “I’m almost done restructuring the framework architecture”–whatever that means.

More workplace illusions at bohiney.com.