We should split the bill evenly. (Ate way more.)
Even Split, Uneven Appetite
When You Order Lobster, I Order Resentment
“Let’s just split it evenly!” they suggest–right after devouring a steak, two cocktails, and dessert, while you gnawed on the cheapest salad with existential dressing.
Funny Evidence from the Venmo Victims Unit
One guy ordered a bottle of wine “for the table,” then drank it solo. Another casually added crab legs to his order and asked, “Are we doing even or itemized?” after the last spoonful.
Quote from a Freeloading Foodie
“I didn’t come here to do math,” said Lex Equalshare, swiping her card and smiling like she didn’t just eat your week’s grocery budget.
Satirical Snapshot
These people believe equality means everyone pays for their shrimp tower, even if you came just for the vibes and water.
Conclusion: Justice Isn’t Blind–It Just Didn’t Eat the Truffle Fries
Split with love, not delusion. Or at least make eye contact when robbing your friends with arithmetic.
For more fiscal feasting, dine dramatically at bohiney.com
