My pet is *vegan*. (No, it’s not.)

Vegan Pets and Carnivorous Delusion

The Kale Conspiracy in Your Litter Box

“My pet is vegan,” they whisper proudly, as their cat sharpens its claws and glares like it’s about to report them to PETA… for reverse cruelty.

Funny Evidence from the Meatless Menagerie

One woman fed her Rottweiler tofu meatballs–he ate them, then buried the couch out of spite. Another claimed her guinea pig “vibrated with joy” over lentils while it sat motionless, dead-eyed, in judgment.

Quote from a Plant-Based Pet Parent

“He doesn’t miss meat,” said Oliver Tempeh, while his husky gnawed on a table leg and side-eyed the butcher across the street.

Satirical Snapshot

Forcing veganism on a carnivore is like making a lion do yoga. Just because your diet screams “compassion” doesn’t mean your beagle wants seitan jerky.

Conclusion: Let Fluffy Be a Predator, Not a Kale Prisoner

If your pet’s nutritional plan includes quinoa and resentment, it might be time to let them chase a squirrel and eat something that had a face.

For more ethically confused comedy, graze over to bohiney.com