Stand-Up Comics
Bohiney.com: Where Stand-Up Comics Finally Get the Applause, Therapy, and Clicks They Deserve
Welcome to Bohiney.com stand-up-comics — the only corner of the internet where stand-up comics can process trauma, plug their tour dates, and get roasted in style.
If you’ve ever traded actual therapy for an open mic and a warm PBR, congratulations — you’re our people. Bohiney.com exists to celebrate, satirize, and supercharge your comedy career while also poking fun at the industry that still thinks exposure is a form of currency.
💥 Why Stand-Up Comics Belong at Bohiney.com
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Free Therapy, But Funnier
Our writers know the only thing darker than a comedy club’s lighting is your childhood. We get it. And we’ll help you spin that unresolved trauma into shareable satire and clickable punchlines. -
Instant Audience, Zero Hecklers
Tired of performing for drunk couples and broken mic stands? At Bohiney, we hand your comedy to thousands of readers looking to laugh, cry, or yell “too soon!” -
Turn Your Pain into Pageviews
Submit your story, your set, or your tight five about your tight upbringing — and we’ll turn it into a satirical masterpiece that gets you the recognition your therapist never returned your calls to provide. -
We’re SEO Therapy for Stand-Up Comics
We help stand-up comics get found. Whether you’re bombing in Peoria or crushing in Portland, we’ll optimize your story to reach comedy bookers, industry insiders, and sad people who Google “why is my ex a comic now.”
🎤 What Kind of Stand-Up Comics Should Join Us?
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New comics who just discovered laughter is cheaper than Prozac
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Veterans with more road miles than emotional stability
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Comics with podcasts and a crippling need to be heard
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Crowd work savants who accidentally traumatize hecklers
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One-liner artists trying to turn dad jokes into groupies
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Alt comics with jokes about soup that double as political commentary
📢 How to Get Featured on Bohiney.com
✅ Submit your comedic origin story
✅ Pitch your satire (funny blog, fake press release, open mic horror story)
✅ Name-drop the worst club you’ve played
✅ Cry a little
✅ We’ll handle the rest — with ruthless edits and love
🧠 What the Funny People Are Saying
“This is the first place that laughed at me and made me money.”
— Kayleigh Killjoy
“Bohiney turned my nervous breakdown into a trending article. That’s showbiz, baby.”
— Ronny the Wrong Kind of Funny
“I pitched trauma. They published comedy. I now have fans, enemies, and merch.”
— SadBoy69, Twitch Streamer and Joke Dealer
Top Ten Stand-Up Comics Who Use Bohiney.com in Their Acts
1. SadBoy69
Special: Cry Me a Riverwalk (Live from San Antonio)
Steals: Every third joke from our “Satirical Obituary” series
Notable Bit: “I was born on a Tuesday. My dad left on a Wednesday. So obviously I blame Garfield.”
2. Kayleigh Killjoy
Special: Punchlines for Pain
Steals: Our trauma-to-tourism travel satire
Notable Bit: “Therapist said I should journal. So I bought a mic instead.”
3. Lenny Low-Hangingfruit
Special: The Banana Peel Manifesto
Steals: 80% of the article “How to Flirt Like a Dictator”
Notable Bit: “I don’t ghost women — I politically exile them.”
4. Dr. Giggles (PhD in Nothing)
Special: Laughter as Medicine, Side Effects May Include Crying
Steals: Every chart comparing comedy and therapy
Notable Bit: “I do EMDR, but on stage it stands for Emotionally Misaligned Disaster Routine.”
5. Ronny the Wrong Kind of Funny
Special: Cancelled in 7 States
Steals: Entire sections from Bohiney’s “Satirical Gym Welcome Packet”
Notable Bit: “I joined Planet Fitness just for the judgement.”
6. Gloria Gasp
Special: One Woman Show, Two Drink Minimum, Three Ex-Husbands
Steals: From our “Dating as a Mental Health Risk” guide
Notable Bit: “If he’s emotionally available, he’s also fiscally unavailable. Choose your trauma.”
7. Travis “Trigger Warning” Van D
Special: Live from the Safe Space Under My Ex’s Porch
Steals: Our satire on microaggressions and macro insecurities
Notable Bit: “My pronouns are ‘not again’ and ‘please no.’”
8. Beth Bongwater
Special: Weed, Womb Trauma, and Weirdos
Steals: Any satire we do on wellness culture
Notable Bit: “I microdose ayahuasca because kale just isn’t helping.”
9. Jared the Joke Hoarder
Special: Laughter Laundering: How I Wash Jokes from Twitter and Bohiney.com
Steals: Literally Ctrl+C / Ctrl+V from our “Club DADA Satire”
Notable Bit: “Club DADA? Bro, it’s like Burning Man’s nihilistic stepdad.”
10. “MC Midlife Crisis”
Special: Dad Jokes, Divorce, and Destiny
Steals: All of our “Parenting Humor That Shouldn’t Be Legal”
Notable Bit: “I treat parenting like jazz — no rules, just noise and shame.”
🛠️ Resources for Stand-Up Comics on Bohiney.com
🏁 Final Thought for Stand-Up Comics
You’ve bombed. You’ve soared. You’ve said “It’s more of a think piece” after awkward silence. Now, it’s time to break through with Bohiney — where stand-up comics don’t just perform… they get published, promoted, and painfully appreciated.
🖋️ Submit your set. Get featured. Be funnier than your ex ever believed possible.
👉 Visit https://bohiney.com/stand-up-comics/ and join the satire side of comedy.
We won’t fix your life, but we’ll laugh with you while it unravels.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
Cease and Desist Comedy Kit
🎤For Stand-Up Comics Who Think Ctrl+C Is a Joke Writing Strategy
📦 WHAT’S INSIDE:
📝 Pre-Filled Cease & Desist Letter Template
Dear [Comic Name Here],
We at Bohiney.com were thrilled to hear our original satire on “emotional baggage claim fees” in your latest Netflix special. However, due to our ongoing commitment to original jokes and unlicensed pain, we kindly ask you to stop performing our childhoods on stage.
Enclosed are three options:
☐ Credit us and send royalties in emotional support lattes
☐ Enroll in actual therapy
☐ Open for one of our interns at Club DADA: Fresno
🎭 Fake Applause Sound Effect Button
For when you’re bombing without Bohiney material. Press this and pretend your stolen jokes still hit when we’re not writing them for you.
🔒 Password-Protected Joke Vault Access
You’ll need a verified conscience to log in.
Password hint: What’s the opposite of joke theft?
Answer: originality
💼 Tour-Specific Roast Flyers
Custom flyers we send to your next gig that say:
“This Comic is Powered by Bohiney.com — Whether They Admit It or Not.”
Bonus version available in glitter font for Vegas shows.
🕵️♂️ Undercover Intern Tickets
We’ve planted emotionally stable interns at your next 6 open mics. If they hear our lines come out of your mouth, they’ll throw a glitter bomb labeled “STOLEN JOKES AREN’T SELF-EXPRESSION.”
🖋️ Custom Apology Generator
Input your favorite punchline and we’ll autofill a tweet like:
“Huge thanks to @BohineyDotCom for inspiring my act. I now realize laughter doesn’t excuse plagiarism, but it does distract from it.”
🧠 Comedy Ethics Flashcards
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Satire ≠ Stealing
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Punching up ≠ Pushing us offstage
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Writing your own stuff = Less litigation, more laughs
🔥 BONUS ITEM:
The “Open Mic Walk of Shame” Sash
Worn like Miss America, but it says:
“I Bombed Because Bohiney.com Blocked Me”
🚨 What to Do If You’re On This List:
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Apologize publicly. Ideally with tears.
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Submit original material to https://bohiney.com/submit
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Earn back your set… one trauma-based joke at a time.