I’m not a narcissist. (Demands applause for basic decency.)
Clap for Me or I’ll Die: The Bare Minimum Olympics
When Saying “Thank You” Deserves a Standing Ovation
“I’m not a narcissist,” they insist, while waiting for a parade because they held the door open once in 2019 and posted about it five times since.
Funny Evidence from the Self-Congratulation Nation
One guy shouted “You’re welcome!” at a stranger who didn’t thank him fast enough. Another donated $2 to charity, took seven selfies, and called it a “philanthropic awakening.”
Quote from a Humility Influencer
“I’m humble,” said Glory Shines. “But if I’m not celebrated for that, what’s even the point?”
Satirical Snapshot
They measure kindness in likes, praise in retweets, and empathy in how quickly you text back “you’re amazing.” Their therapist keeps a medal drawer for participation trophies.
Conclusion: You Can Be a Good Person Without a PR Team
Being decent is great. Needing a standing ovation every time? That’s just exhausting.
For more spotlight-starved satire, applaud yourself into bohiney.com
