Americans Urged to Shout “Not My Fault!” at Noon
Trump Declares National “Unapology Day,” Replaces Moment of Silence With Airhorn Salute
Americans Urged to Shout “Not My Fault!” at Noon
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump has signed an executive order establishing a new federal holiday: “Unapology Day,” to be celebrated annually on July 2nd, commemorating the time he almost said “sorry” but instead doubled down with a tweet.
“This is a day for real Americans,” Trump proclaimed from a podium made entirely of ego and discarded subpoenas. “A day when we honor the brave men and women who never admit fault, even when caught red-handed in 4K.”
The official Unapology Day celebration includes:
- Shouting “Not My Fault!” at high noon, regardless of location or context
- A three-hour Airhorn Salute conducted by Monster Truck drivers and Fox News anchors
- Burning effigies of empathy, courtesy, and the phrase “my bad”
Public schools are required to play Kid Rock’s “Born Free” over the intercom while teachers assign essays titled “Why I’m Never Wrong.”
Opposition lawmakers called the holiday “emotionally toxic.” Trump replied, “Toxic? You mean popular.”
Sales of “Guilt-Free Since 2016” T-shirts have already spiked, with MAGA-branded apology repellant flying off the shelves at Bass Pro Shops.
Hallmark is expected to release a line of Unapology Day cards featuring slogans like, “I’m not sorry, you’re welcome.”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
