Recipients Must Pledge Never to Say Sorry
Trump Unveils “Apology-Proof” Presidential Medal, Made From Shredded Opposition Letters
Recipients Must Pledge Never to Say Sorry
WASHINGTON, D.C. — At a lavish ceremony filled with red hats and gold-plated applause, Donald Trump introduced the “Apology-Proof” Presidential Medal, an award crafted from shredded opposition letters and the finest ego steel.
“This medal honors those who never admit fault, never say sorry, and always find new people to blame,” Trump proclaimed while handing out medals to select supporters who promised to “keep the fight strong and the regrets weak.”
The medal features:
- A fingerprint embossed with the phrase “No Regrets”
- A built-in GPS to avoid accountability zones
- An optional sound module playing “We Didn’t Start the Fire” on repeat
Recipients are required to sign a non-disclosure agreement preventing any admission of error, under penalty of “loser status.”
Critics say the medal trivializes accountability, but Trump retorted, “Accountability is for the fake news.”
The medal will be displayed in a secure vault next to a signed copy of “The Art of the Deal,” a box of unsent apology letters, and several framed subpoenas.
Plans for a civilian version called “The Blame Avoider” are underway, including a matching hat and commemorative mug.
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
