Extreme Minimalists
“We Got Rid of Everything Except Our Superiority.”
Meet Damon and Lark, a Brooklyn couple who have taken minimalism to its final frontier: a 300-square-foot apartment containing absolutely nothing but a bamboo mat, a single potted air plant named Kevin, and a whiteboard that reads, “Objects are trauma.” The couple, self-proclaimed “void curators,” claim furniture, color, and storage are “psychic anchors” that prevent them from achieving higher spiritual bandwidth.
“When people come over, they ask where we sit,” said Lark, gesturing at the bare floor. “I say, ‘Why sit when you can surrender?'”
The couple purged their belongings over a period of 72 hours following a silent retreat in a parking garage. “We started with the couch,” Damon said. “It was harboring nostalgia. Then the fridge–we realized food was a societal construct. Now we eat intention.”
Their meals consist of air, filtered thoughts, and occasionally a single almond, if the moon is in Virgo. “We’re not starving,” Lark clarified. “We’re digesting our egos.”
Visitors describe the apartment as “haunting,” “echo-prone,” and “like squatting inside a yoga mat commercial directed by David Lynch.” Their neighbor filed a complaint after the couple tried to compost his doormat for being “unconsciously decorative.”
Despite the aesthetic austerity, the couple is wildly popular online. Their Instagram account, @SpaceIsTheSpace, features daily photos of the same empty corner, each captioned with phrases like “Stillness is a flex” and “You can’t declutter the soul with a credenza.”
Critics argue the lifestyle reeks of privilege. “Minimalism is easy when your parents own a wine label,” noted one Reddit user. Damon responded by meditating aggressively for three hours and then deleting his birth certificate.
The couple plans to write a book titled *Furniture-Free and Fabulous*, with chapters like “Decluttering Your Shadow” and “Kondo Was a Coward.”
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
