Celebrity Baby Name Parodies
“We Wanted Her to Be Unique. Now She’s a Lawsuit Waiting to Happen.”
Influencer couple Bryce and Tami J. shocked their family–and the birth certificate office–when they announced the name of their newborn daughter: Elonique Cardashley, a fusion of “Elon,” “Monique,” “Kardashian,” and “Ashley.” “She’s the perfect blend of tech disruption and contour culture,” said Tami, while bottle-feeding the baby kombucha.
Inspiration struck during a livestream baby shower featuring a hologram of Elon Musk reading *Goodnight Moon* and a guest appearance by a woman who may or may not have once DM’d Rob Kardashian.
The couple has trademarked the name, launched a merch line (onesies with slogans like “I Was Born Trending”), and released a lullaby album titled *Crypto Cradle.*
Child psychologists are concerned. “Naming your baby after billionaires and reality stars could cause identity fragmentation or at least chronic sass.”
But fans are following suit, with trending names like Beyzucker, Taylindra, and Oprahhontas appearing on influencer birth announcements nationwide.
Elonique’s first word is expected to be either “brand” or “algorithm.”
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
