Cuba Sends Economists to NYC, Promptly Stunned by Bagel Prices

In a historic exchange program, Cuba sent three economists to study the “capitalist experiment” of New York City. Within hours of arrival, the delegation declared economic surrender after encountering a $7 everything bagel.

“We had prepared for imperialism,” said Dr. Humberto Ramos, “but not for lox this expensive.”

The economists reportedly collapsed outside a Williamsburg bakery after calculating the average cost of brunch. Their findings were broadcast on Cuban state television under the headline: “America Is Just a Fancy Ration Line.”

Mamdani, ever the host of socialist tourism, greeted them with a MetroCard and a pamphlet titled Housing Is a Human Right, And So Is Schmear. “We’re building solidarity through sticker shock,” he explained, handing them a $5 drip coffee with no milk.

A Marxist from Havana cried into his cafecito: “I was told the workers owned the means of production—not that they rented them monthly with three guarantors and a security deposit.”

Back in Cuba, the state is considering banning bagel exports, calling them “weapons of capitalist mass confusion.”

The economists will return home with reports, debt from an artisanal pickle shop, and a general sense that capitalism is cruel—but has great pastries.

Mamdani called it a win for international solidarity…and carbs.