Vegan Cheese Catastrophes
Say Cheese–Or Don’t
At a semi-fancy dinner in Silverlake, host Maya served a “plant-based cheese board.” Unfortunately, the vegan brie’s floral notes and waxy texture led guest Brian to light it on fire, believing it was “aromatherapy.”
The Incident
“It smelled like regret and cashew,” said Brian, fanning smoke with a coaster. “I thought I was helping the ambiance.”
Guest Response
One person took a bite mid-burn and described it as “melty soap with judgment.” The dog refused leftovers.
Culinary Insight
Chef Brie NonDairy remarked, “Vegan cheese is an emotional texture. You don’t eat it–you endure it.”
Conclusion
Maya has since switched to olives and silence. Brian was last seen shopping for real candles–and dairy.