U.S. Diplomacy Now Conducted via Drone-Delivered TED Talks
In a bold new strategy, the United States has replaced traditional diplomacy with long-range missile-delivered TED Talks. The first message—titled “Let’s De-Escalate, Bro”—was dropped over Tehran alongside non-lethal motivational posters and several spicy tweets.
While critics called the campaign “vague” and “probably a war crime,” the Pentagon insists it was “a vibe-based deconfliction maneuver.”
Israel applauded the move, then immediately bombed a flower shop they described as “terror-curious.” Iran responded with a statement written in Comic Sans and 18 threats that rhymed.
Peace talks are scheduled for next month at a Chick-fil-A near Cyprus.