I’m not disloyal, I just believe in options. (Treats monogamy like a salad bar.)

Exclusive-ish: The Commitment Compromise

Loyalty With Loopholes

“I’m not disloyal, I just believe in options,” they explain, while texting three exes, bookmarking Tinder profiles, and describing monogamy as “a social experiment I’m currently observing.”

Funny Evidence from the Situationship Society

One person said, “I thought we were exclusive… on even-numbered days.” Another brought a “plus-two” to a date and introduced them as “vibe consultants.”

Quote from a Relationship Free Agent

“I just value freedom,” said Poly Casuall. “And I think fidelity is a spectrum. Like music. Or brunch toppings.”

Satirical Snapshot

They treat promises like punch cards, romantic boundaries like choose-your-own-adventures, and commitment like a term limit.

Conclusion: Freedom’s Beautiful–But Maybe Don’t Play Twister With Trust

If loyalty feels like handcuffs, maybe dating isn’t the escape room for you.

For more flirty evasions, redefine love at bohiney.com


I'm not disloyal, I just believe in options. (Treats monogamy like a salad bar.) - Exclusive-ish: The Commitment Compromise - BOHINEY SATIRE
BOHINEY SATIRE – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon of the new Bohiney.com headquarters located inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C. … – bohiney.com
I'm not disloyal, I just believe in options. (Treats monogamy like a salad bar.) - Exclusive-ish: The Commitment Compromise - A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C., drawn in a ch... - bohiney.com 3
I’m not disloyal, I just believe in options. (Treats monogamy like a salad bar.) – Exclusive-ish: The Commitment Compromise – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C.,… – bohiney.com
I'm not disloyal, I just believe in options. (Treats monogamy like a salad bar.) - Exclusive-ish: The Commitment Compromise
BOHINEY SATIRE – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon of the new Bohiney.com headquarters located inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C. … I’m not disloyal, I just believe in options. (Treats monogamy like a salad bar.)
BOHINEY SATIRE - A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C., drawn in a ch... - bohiney.com
BOHINEY SATIRE – I’m not disloyal, I just believe in options. (Treats monogamy like a salad bar.) – Exclusive-ish: The Commitment Compromise

By Bob Odenkirk

Bobby Odenkirk is a Houston-born comedian, writer, and satirist whose career has spanned stage, screen, and sharp political commentary. After studying at Southern Methodist University and cutting his teeth in Texas comedy clubs, Odenkirk moved into writing and performance, developing a reputation for brainy, absurdist humor that skewered both everyday life and national politics. He rose to prominence as co-creator of the cult sketch series Mr. Show with Bob and David, where his biting satire and knack for parody influenced a generation of comics. Known for blending dry wit with heartfelt critique, Odenkirk has always positioned satire as both entertainment and cultural reflection. While he later gained global fame for acting roles, he continues to ground his identity as a satirist, performing standup sets and shaping comedic journalism that reflect his Houston roots and uniquely American humor. CONTACT: bob@odenkirk.top