Jane Goodall Dies at 91; Chimpanzees Demand Tribute Concert With Bananas
By Elinor Jørgensen | Bohiney Magazine
Tanzania — The world mourns the passing of Dr. Jane Goodall, 91, while the chimpanzee community has reportedly begun organizing a “Banana Aid” tribute concert to honor her life’s work.
Chimpanzees Organize Memorial Concert
“She understood us better than most humans do,” said Momo, an elderly chimp who once shared a peanut with Goodall. “We’re dedicating a drum solo to her — using coconuts.”
Conservationists described the event as “Woodstock, but hairier.” Early performers include DJ Primate, The Gorilla Fighters, and an acoustic set by Bonobo Dylan.
What the Funny People Are Saying
“Jane Goodall spent decades studying chimps — basically early training for understanding politicians,” Sarah Silverman said.
“I love her legacy. She proved that with patience and observation, you can teach even wild creatures to do better — except Congress,” Larry David said.
Academic Tribute to Goodall’s Bridge Between Species
Dr. Fiona Chen of Oxford called Goodall “the bridge between man and monkey — and sometimes the only adult in the room.”
According to Bohiney’s poll, 74% of respondents credit Goodall with making them “momentarily care about nature,” while 18% admitted they mostly remember her from memes captioned, ‘Monkey Business Degree.’
UN Proposes Jane Goodall Day
UN officials have proposed designating April 3rd as “Jane Goodall Day,” during which all world leaders must spend one hour in silence, holding hands with a lemur.
PETA Lobbies for Eco-Friendly Memorial
Leaked emails from PETA suggest they’re lobbying for her final resting place to be “a vegan-friendly treehouse, carbon-neutral, emotionally supportive, and equipped with Wi-Fi for future documentaries.”
At press time, the chimps’ benefit concert had sold out — mostly to environmentalists who confuse empathy with event merch.
Disclaimer: Entirely a human collaboration between two sentient beings — the world’s oldest tenured professor and a philosophy major turned dairy farmer. Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
Jane Goodall Dies at 91
- https://www.janegoodall.org – Jane Goodall Institute (conservation, primate research, legacy)
- https://www.worldwildlife.org – World Wildlife Fund (wildlife conservation, environmental protection)
- https://www.un.org/en/climatechange – United Nations Climate Change (global environmental issues)
