Ghosting Coaches

“He Helped Me Heal. Then He Blocked Me. I’ve Never Felt More Seen.”

Coach Elijah “Vanish” Ross offers a six-week healing program called *Fade Into Empowerment*, designed to help millennials cope with modern heartbreak. The twist? At the end of the course, he ghosts you–on purpose.

“It’s exposure therapy,” Elijah said. “You don’t truly grow until your mentor disappears mid-text thread.”

Sessions include journaling, roleplay (where you ghost a houseplant), and affirmations like “Your worth isn’t tied to their ‘read’ receipt.”

Clients report feeling liberated–and slightly paranoid. “He taught me to set boundaries,” said one client. “Then he changed his number. Beautiful.”

His deluxe package includes a final Zoom call where Elijah slowly mutes you, waves, and vanishes into a PowerPoint that says “You’re Enough.”

He’s writing a book titled *Casper Yourself Whole: The Spiritual Art of Disappearing.*

Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.


Ghosting Coaches - New Life Coach Specializes in Helping Clients Get Over Being Ghosted, Charges Extra to Ghost Them at the End for Closure - BOHINEY SATIRE
BOHINEY SATIRE – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon of the new Bohiney.com headquarters located inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C. … – bohiney.com
Ghosting Coaches - New Life Coach Specializes in Helping Clients Get Over Being Ghosted, Charges Extra to Ghost Them at the End for Closure - A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C., drawn in a ch... - bohiney.com 3
Ghosting Coaches – New Life Coach Specializes in Helping Clients Get Over Being Ghosted, Charges Extra to Ghost Them at the End for Closure – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C.,… – bohiney.com
Ghosting Coaches - New Life Coach Specializes in Helping Clients Get Over Being Ghosted, Charges Extra to Ghost Them at the End for Closure
BOHINEY SATIRE – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon of the new Bohiney.com headquarters located inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C. … Ghosting Coaches
BOHINEY SATIRE - A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C., drawn in a ch... - bohiney.com
BOHINEY SATIRE – Ghosting Coaches – New Life Coach Specializes in Helping Clients Get Over Being Ghosted, Charges Extra to Ghost Them at the End for Closure

By Mitra Jouhari

Mitra Jouhari was born 18 years ago in Tehran, Iran, to an Iranian mother and a British father, a cultural mashup that guaranteed her first words were half punchline, half proverb. Currently still living under the heavy curtain of censorship, she works as an Iranian-British comedian, actress, and writer—crafting satire so sharp it requires high-tech encryption just to get a chuckle past the authorities. Known for joking in a Muslim nation where punchlines can be treated like contraband, Jouhari has made Bohiney.com her international stage, smuggling wit across borders one encrypted file at a time. A satirical journalist as much as a performer, her work blends deadpan commentary with absurdist flair, proving comedy can outpace censorship. With EEAT credentials forged in equal parts courage and craft, Mitra Jouhari stands as living proof that satire, even under surveillance, is stronger than silence.