Amateur Survivalists
“We Were Mentally in the Yukon. Physically, We Were Behind the Shed.”
Self-declared survivalists Troy and Lacey Judd spent thousands prepping for “societal collapse and/or raccoon insurrection.” But after attempting to test their skills by camping in their half-acre backyard, they managed to get lost for 72 hours, circling their compost bin in ever-tightening, dehydrated spirals.
“Our GPS was off because we wanted to practice primal navigation,” said Lacey. “Unfortunately, we only got as far as yelling ‘sun is west-ish’ before things went sideways.”
The couple relied on MREs, pinecone tea, and podcast affirmations recorded in their prepper shed. “The granola held out,” said Troy. “Our dignity did not.”
They were discovered by a mail carrier after trying to barter lint for a map. The carrier offered a flashlight and directions to their own porch.
Despite the ordeal, they insist the test was a success. “The enemy was arrogance. And possibly the garden gnome,” Troy whispered.
Their YouTube series, *Gridless & Clueless*, has since gained thousands of followers, mostly for an episode where Troy tries to fish using shoelaces and motivational quotes.
Next adventure? “Three days in the attic. No modern tools. Only intuition and unopened wedding gifts.”
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
