Robots Rejected in Texas: Onion Steam Declared “Human-Only” Industry
Elsewhere in the White Castle empire, robot fry cooks named Flippy are flipping patties with mechanical arms. But not in Texas. Lone Star lawmakers, unionized grillers, and onion-steam purists all agree: this is a human-only industry.
Governor Greg Abbott announced the policy at a press conference, holding up a spatula like it was a rifle. “In Texas, we trust humans with two sacred duties: voting and steaming onions. Robots can’t do either.”
Leaked memos show that Flippy applied for a work visa in The Colony but was denied. Border Patrol agents allegedly told the robot, “Go flip somewhere else, tin man.”
Workers inside the Grandscape construction site say the kitchen is being built with extra ventilation ducts for maximum human-generated steam. “A robot can’t cry onion tears,” said a future employee. “And if it can, I don’t want to see it.”
Polls back the sentiment: 82% of Texans distrust robots in food prep, while 11% think robots are already flipping burgers at Buc-ee’s.
White Castle’s leadership complied quickly. CEO Lisa Ingram told reporters, “We understand Texas traditions. Just as we don’t serve round burgers, we don’t serve robot-cooked ones either.”
The ruling effectively cements onion steaming as a protected cultural heritage practice in Texas, alongside chili cook-offs and arguing over brisket.