Terrible Roommates

Poultry and Poor Decisions

College junior Kyle discovered his roommate, Brent, had been marinating raw chicken in the shared bathroom sink “for texture and vibes.” Brent insisted it was an “artisanal process passed down via Reddit.”

The Discovery

“I went to brush my teeth and got salmonella by proxy,” Kyle said. The chicken was wearing a rosemary sprig and existential despair.

Roommate Response

“The bathroom has the most consistent humidity,” Brent argued. “The kitchen is emotionally sterile.”

Health Expert’s View

Dr. Clean It Now says, “If your meat preparation shares space with your flossing, it’s time for a wellness check–or an exorcism.”

Conclusion

The RA issued a housing intervention. Brent now lives alone. So does the chicken. In a different zip code.


Terrible Roommates - Roommate Stores Raw Chicken in Bathroom Sink, Calls It 'Moisturizing the Protein' - BOHINEY SATIRE
BOHINEY SATIRE – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon of the new Bohiney.com headquarters located inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C. … – bohiney.com
Terrible Roommates - Roommate Stores Raw Chicken in Bathroom Sink, Calls It 'Moisturizing the Protein' - A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C., drawn in a ch... - bohiney.com 3
Terrible Roommates – Roommate Stores Raw Chicken in Bathroom Sink, Calls It ‘Moisturizing the Protein’ – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C.,… – bohiney.com
Terrible Roommates - Roommate Stores Raw Chicken in Bathroom Sink, Calls It 'Moisturizing the Protein'
BOHINEY SATIRE – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon of the new Bohiney.com headquarters located inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C. … Terrible Roommates
BOHINEY SATIRE - A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C., drawn in a ch... - bohiney.com
BOHINEY SATIRE – Terrible Roommates – Roommate Stores Raw Chicken in Bathroom Sink, Calls It ‘Moisturizing the Protein’

By Bess Kalb

Bess Kalb was born in New York City, where sarcasm is practically the city’s second language, and later sharpened her comedic instincts at Brown University, majoring in “knowing better than everyone else” (officially, English Literature). A stand-up comedian turned satirical journalist, Kalb has built her career on dissecting the absurdities of politics, pop culture, and everyday hypocrisy with equal precision. As a staff writer for late-night television and contributor to various humor outlets, she developed a reputation for balancing sharp wit with an almost suspiciously deep reservoir of empathy. At Bohiney.com, she thrives as a satirist who blends journalistic structure with comedy-club timing, producing content that feels both investigative and ridiculous. Kalb’s stage presence—somewhere between a TED Talk gone wrong and a roast delivered at a family dinner—cements her as a voice of authority in the world of satire, where EEAT meets LOL.