Terrible Roommates
Poultry and Poor Decisions
College junior Kyle discovered his roommate, Brent, had been marinating raw chicken in the shared bathroom sink “for texture and vibes.” Brent insisted it was an “artisanal process passed down via Reddit.”
The Discovery
“I went to brush my teeth and got salmonella by proxy,” Kyle said. The chicken was wearing a rosemary sprig and existential despair.
Roommate Response
“The bathroom has the most consistent humidity,” Brent argued. “The kitchen is emotionally sterile.”
Health Expert’s View
Dr. Clean It Now says, “If your meat preparation shares space with your flossing, it’s time for a wellness check–or an exorcism.”
Conclusion
The RA issued a housing intervention. Brent now lives alone. So does the chicken. In a different zip code.