The “I’m not looking for anything serious” guy (he’s been single for 8 years)
The Commitment-Phobe Who’s Basically in a Relationship with Avoidance
The Commitment-Phobe Who’s Basically in a Relationship with Avoidance
Meet Chad. Chad is “not looking for anything serious,” a phrase he’s been saying since Obama’s first term. He’s emotionally available the way Blockbuster is still a business–technically, but not really.
Eight Years of Non-Committal Excellence
Chad has had 19 “almost girlfriends,” 7 houseplants he let die, and one goldfish named Swipey. He once told a date, “I just want to vibe,” then ghosted when she asked what his last name was.
Comedian Insight
“He’s not looking for anything serious, except maybe a Wi-Fi password and emotional labor,” said comic Tara Lane. “Chad’s longest relationship is with his AirPods.”
Fake Research
According to the National Bureau of Vague Intentions, 72% of men who say this are actually waiting to meet a woman who can read minds and doesn’t expect texts back.
Funny Story
One woman shared, “He said he wasn’t ready for anything serious. Then updated his dating profile to ‘Looking for a wife and two dogs’–two weeks later.”
The Real Agenda
Chad’s definition of ‘casual’ means “We hang out five nights a week, but if you ask what we are, I panic and say I’m moving to Portugal.”
Conclusion
If you’re dating a guy who’s not looking for anything serious–congrats, you’re seriously wasting your time.
For more tales of emotional dodgeball, visit bohiney.com.
