I’m not indecisive, I just want to make the right choice. (Spends 45 minutes picking a font.)
The Helvetica Dilemma: A Tale of Font-Based Paralysis
When Choice Becomes a Full-Time Career
“I’m not indecisive, I just want to make the right choice,” they say, sobbing into a latte while toggling between Arial and Garamond like the fate of humanity depends on kerning.
Funny Evidence from the Overthinkers Anonymous Collective
One person took two weeks to name their houseplant. Another created a pros/cons spreadsheet for every available toast topping.
Quote from a Decision Philosopher
“Every choice is a reflection of my soul,” said Fontina Delay. “I can’t just ‘wing it’–this is going on Instagram.”
Satirical Snapshot
They treat restaurant menus like SAT exams and believe choosing the wrong pen color can unravel personal destiny.
Conclusion: Precision Is Admirable–Until You’re Still in the Drive-Thru at Midnight
Make a choice. Any choice. Even if it’s in Comic Sans.
For more slow-motion decisions, hesitate confidently at bohiney.com
