9th Circuit Issues Statement: ‘That Headline Was Not It, Fam’

In an unprecedented legal filing titled “Yo, Chill,” the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals directly addressed Josephine Harvey’s widely-shared headline about Trump’s now-restored National Guard powers. The brief opened with the line:

“To be honest, Ms. Harvey… that headline ain’t it.”

Harvey, who proudly boasts a legal understanding derived entirely from Law & Order: SVU reruns, clapped back by tweeting “Narrative is truth,” then adding a quote from Audre Lorde that she paraphrased from a Pinterest board.

The court’s ruling—overturning Judge Greenblatt’s restraining order just 10 minutes after it was issued—was, according to legal scholars, “a footnote in Josephine’s empire of suggestive ellipses and headline bravado.”

Judge Mendoza, writing for the panel, clarified:

“We’re not saying Trump’s a saint. We’re just saying he can call in the troops if people start setting fire to Arby’s.”

Harvey, unshaken, told her 128,000 followers:

“I believe in journalism that heals — even if that means amputation of inconvenient facts.”

She now teaches an online masterclass called “The Truth: It’s a Suggestion, Not a Sentence.”

In a rare show of unity, SCOTUS justices and comedy writers agreed:
“That headline slapped — but it lied.”