I’m *spiritual*, not religious. (Doesn’t meditate.)
Spiritual But Unscheduled: Enlightenment on Snooze
Chakras Set to Vibe Mode
“I’m spiritual, not religious,” they say, while aggressively burning sage near a smoke detector and skipping meditation because they “already feel centered.”
Funny Evidence from the Zen-Zero Discipline Crew
One guy claimed to astral project–but only on Tuesdays. Another swears by energy alignment but hasn’t returned a borrowed yoga mat in two years.
Quote from a Freelance Mystic
“I light candles and journal when Mercury tells me to,” said Crystal Vague. “It’s all about being in tune with notifications.”
Satirical Snapshot
These folks have incense, affirmations, and a vague understanding of karma based entirely on TikTok explainers and one retreat in Sedona they forgot to pay for.
Conclusion: Being Spiritual Is Beautiful–Unless It’s Just a Vibe with No Practice
Spirituality isn’t a Spotify playlist. Sit. Breathe. Or at least finish one self-help book before quoting it on Instagram.
For more cosmic comedy, ascend ironically at bohiney.com
