Florida Couple Banned from Library After Performing AI-Generated Marriage Vows

Sarasota, FL — A Florida couple has been permanently banned from their local library after they disrupted a poetry reading by performing AI-generated marriage vows in the middle of the children’s section.

Witnesses described the vows as “somewhere between a Hallmark card and a server crash.” The bride wore a dress made from shredded Terms of Service agreements; the groom had a pocket square embroidered with binary code.

Their ceremony began when the groom knelt and recited: “In 5G and in buffering, in prompt and in token, I bind thee in sacred syntax.” The bride replied, “Your love is like a stable API—predictable, scalable, and compliant.”

Librarians asked them to quiet down after the wedding officiant—an iPad taped to a mop—began to chant “Do you take this cached identity to be your lawful wedded user?”

Chaos erupted when the couple threw rice (actually loose RAM chips) and invited guests to livestream their first kiss on Threads. A six-year-old vomited on a copy of Goodnight Moon.

The library issued a ban “until such time as reality is reinstalled.”

The couple is now planning a reception in the printer room at FedEx Office, followed by a honeymoon inside a chatbot’s character limit.