I’m not clingy, I’m just devoted to consistency. (Texts “Where are you?” if you’re 2 minutes late.)
Attachment with a Side of GPS
The Fine Line Between Love and Surveillance
“I’m not clingy, I’m just devoted to consistency,” they insist, having set a timer for every five minutes you don’t reply and already drafted three possible breakup texts based on your current typing pause.
Funny Evidence from the Emotional Proximity League
One person shared a calendar labeled “OUR LOCATION” with their crush after the second date. Another requested biometric check-ins to “build trust.”
Quote from a Devoted Tracker
“I just love structure,” said Hanga Bound. “And if your schedule isn’t color-coded and emotionally synched with mine, are we even dating?”
Satirical Snapshot
They’ve laminated their relationship expectations, use emoji frequency as loyalty metrics, and once mailed someone a spare toothbrush labeled “inevitability.”
Conclusion: Consistency Is Great–Until It Requires a Tracking Number
Love shouldn’t feel like checking in at airport security.
For more committed clinginess, refresh your inbox at bohiney.com
