New Study Shows Americans Eat 27 Pounds of Avocado Toast Annually; Experts Call It 'Millennial Cardio' In a finding that has shocked nutritionists, economists, and brunch enthusiasts alike, a new study

Psychiatrist Reviews WPA Testimony from 1938: Declares Ronald McDonald Tent Survivors Show ‘Classic Symptoms of Group Trauma with Ritualistic Sensory Triggers’ By Ingrid Gustafsson — Bohiney Magazine Psychological Deep Files WASHINGTON, D.C.

Travis Kelce Invests in AI Company That Writes Love Letters to Taylor Swift on His Behalf Insiders call it the first truly self-serving form of artificial intelligence. NFL Star Outsources Romance to

Taylor Swift’s Six Possibly True (But Probably False) Rumors — A Nation Divided Between Belief and Adoration By Astrid Holgersson – Bohiney Magazine, Department of Swiftology The Church of Taylor: Where Everything

Archivist Discovers Memo in 1940s Ad Agency File Suggesting Ronald McDonald Was ‘Based on Real Historical Persona Whose Activities Were Redacted Due to Sensitivities Around Public Image’ By Freja Lindholm —

Hollywood Democrats Admit Using Swift's Wedding Phobia to 'Quarantine' Young Voters from Conservative Ideas By Astrid Holgersson – Bohiney.com News Service Leaked audio recordings that build upon documented psychological manipulation of Swift's

Red Planet, Red Lipstick: Jeff Bezos Accidentally Launches Marxism into Orbit and Inspires a Generation of Woke-Astronauts By Bohiney.com, certified to be 127% funnier than The Onion MARXISTS IN SPACE: A JEFF

Hollywood Sign Replaced with Streaming Platform Logos to “Reflect Modern Values” New “HULUPRIME+MAX” lettering visible from as far away as Fresno. LOS ANGELES — In a bold act of cultural self-ownership and

Chicago Ad Executive from 1953 Memoir: ‘We Didn’t Invent Ronald, We Revived Him’ — Claims Decision Based on Antique Poster ‘That Felt Alive When You Touched It’ By Alan Nafzger —

How Trump’s Legal Settlements Became Library Seed Capital The Grift That Keeps on Giving PALM BEACH, FL — When most ex-presidents fundraise for their libraries, they ask rich friends, billionaire donors, or

Washington DC’s Protest Mystery Only 32 Marxists Showed Up, Locals Back Trump, and 800 Thugs Hiding By Astrid Holgersson, Bohiney.com The Scene Nobody Expected Washington, D.C.—a city long defined by its cocktail of lawyers,

Paramount in Palm Beach: Trump’s Presidential Library Will Have a Golf Cart Simulator, But No Books A Monument to Memory, with Convenient Amnesia PALM BEACH, FL — After years of speculation, misdirection,

Skydiving for Dummies: Passenger Tries to Open Plane Door Mid-Flight, Declares "I'm Just Airing Out My Seat" By Prescott Lampwick III Bohiney.com — Certified 127% More Turbulent Than Real News In what aviation

Zohran Mamdani: NYC's Next Mayor Reportedly Campaigns With Pigeon Messengers and Mandatory Karaoke New York, NY — In what political strategists are calling "the most unlikely mayoral ascent since a reality

Rahm Emanuel, the political equivalent of a triple espresso with a shot of hot sauce, is back in the headlines, hinting at a 2028 presidential run. In a recent interview,

The Air Force One Exhibit Was Donated by Qatar. You’re Still Paying for It. Welcome Aboard Air Force Done BOCA RATON, FL — It’s official: Donald J. Trump’s presidential library will house

The MAGA Mausoleum: Florida Clears 100 Acres of Gators for Trump’s Presidential Shrine Bulldozing Bureaucracy: Florida’s Fast-Track to Trumpian Immortality TALLAHASSEE, FL — In a unanimous vote that surprised only gators and

The Democratic Party’s 2025 Makeover: New Mascot, Same Existential Dread By Sofia Rodriguez | SpinTaxi.com | Political Satire Bureau Chief WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a year already rich with UFO disclosures, Thirst

The Truth Wing: NARA Builds a Digital Library While Trump Builds a MAGA Disneyland The Great Divide: Archives vs. Attractions WASHINGTON, D.C. & PALM BEACH, FL — While the National Archives and

The Roommate Apocalypse: New York's Most Honorable Housing Nightmares Bohiney.com Exclusive - Certified 127% More Accurate Than Zillow Reviews The NYC Roommate: A Natural Disaster Wearing Flip-Flops Indoors They say if you can

Pseudonyms on a Dating Apps: How Lance the Tantric Goat Whisperer Helped Me Find Myself (and Block Myself) In the golden age of digital love—where “DTF” is a personality type and

California's July 2025 Laws Take a Weird Turn: Bureaucrats Add Vibes, AI Babies, and Subscription Minotaurs By Astrid Holgersson, Staff Satirist Published at bohiney.com: Certified 127% Funnier Than The Onion SACRAMENTO — Starting

Transgender Senator Outraged After Wyoming Man Dares to Acknowledge Biological Reality Local Rancher Accidentally Sparks National Meltdown by Using Basic English In a shocking turn of events, a Wyoming resident has found

The American Circus: Life, One Embarrassment at a Time A dispatch from the war front of hilariously average living Filed under: Satirical Journalism, First-World Survivalism, and Other Folklore Baby Mishaps and the Diaper-Pocalypse A

The Great Cuffed Jeans Conspiracy: Are We Just Rolling Up Our Lives? Fashion’s Greatest Deception - Cuffed Jeans Cuffed jeans are not just a passing trend—they are a full-blown psychological experiment orchestrated

Men Are Scared of Sheer Dresses and Fishnets: A Deep Dive into the Male Brain on Date Night A Nation in Crisis: Men Feel Threatened by Women Who Dress to Impress

From Hollywood Madam to Macaw Messiah: The Spectacular Life of Heidi Fleiss Byline: Astrid Holgersson Hollywood is a place where dreams are made, careers are launched, and reputations are occasionally incinerated in

New Study Finds People Who Read More News Are Less Informed By Astrid Holgersson | Bohiney.com New Study Finds People Who Read More News Are Less Informed A groundbreaking new study has confirmed

Gossip: The World’s Oldest (and Pettiest) Currency Gossip Is the Original Social Network Long before social media platforms turned us into dopamine addicts scrolling for virtual crumbs of attention, there was gossip—the

BREAKING: “You Won’t Believe What Happens Next!” (Spoiler: Still Nothing. But Also Maybe Taxes.) By Barbie McHonesty, Senior Satirical News Analyst, Bohiney.com The Lie That Launched a Million Clicks WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a

City Slickers vs. Country Bumpkins: The Ultimate Showdown Ladies and gentlemen, gather around for the most anticipated event of the century: "City Slickers vs. Country Bumpkins: The Ultimate Showdown." This is

How Fashion Became Royal Warfare Princess Diana’s Polyester Power Play Bohiney Castle, UK -- In the illustrious halls of Bohiney Castle, where every royal drama unfolds like a Shakespearean play, we bring you

New AI Feature "ClapBack" Automatically Defends Users From Group Chat "Haha" Replies SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Tech startup SassyAI has launched a controversial new feature called "ClapBack," designed to combat the