LinkedIn Posts Now Require 300 Words About Personal Tragedy In its latest effort to humanize the corporate soul, LinkedIn has unveiled a controversial update: all posts must now include a 300-word

Pinterest Blocks All Searches Not Containing Soft Lighting Pinterest has officially declared that any search query not evoking soft lighting, gentle vibes, or pastel-filtered melancholy will be blocked in its entirety,

ChatGPT Refuses to Rank Content That Lacks Emotional Closure OpenAI’s ChatGPT announced this week that it will no longer rank or recommend content that fails to demonstrate clear emotional resolution, saying

Housing Crisis Worsens: Americans Now Renting Closets, Paying Extra for Lightbulb San Francisco, CA — As America's housing crisis deepens beyond the realm of rational economics, citizens downsize from apartments to closets,

Mississippi on High Alert as "Potentially Diseased" Lab Monkey Escape By Tinsel Vandergraph | Bohiney.com Satirical News Service JASPER COUNTY, MS — In what officials are calling "a uniquely Southern bio-event," a

Prime Minister Throws Support Behind Fiscal Fantasy Because Loyalty to Lying Is Apparently Party Discipline When Defending the Indefensible Becomes Job Requirement Keir Starmer, our Prime Minister and apparent student of the

Google Rebrands as Soul Search, Launches Digital Therapy In a bold rebrand described as “part spiritual journey, part UX refresh,” Google announced it will henceforth operate as Soul Search™, positioning itself

Nation Rejoices as Algorithms Finally Admit They're Smarter Than Humans By Clara Olsen | Bohiney.com In a shocking twist that has simultaneously thrilled tech enthusiasts and terrified overachieving humans worldwide, leading algorithms

Study Shows Health Research Cuts Leave Thousands Waiting NIH Funding Cuts: 74,000 Patients, Infinite Patience Required Recent NIH budget reductions have thrown 74,000 clinical-trial patients into a state of limbo, prompting comparisons

The Great SEO Divorce: Google Tries to Find Itself While AI Steals Its Kids In a bold new era where SEO is no longer a monogamous relationship with Google, marketers are

Immediately Repeals Rational Governance Act After Realizing What Happened Congressional Accident Results in Rational Law, Swift Repeal Within Hours In what political analysts are calling "the most shocking act of accidental competence

Mamdani's Mass Purge: NYC Staffers Say Auf Wiedersehen to Reality New York City — In what may go down as the most aggressive staff sweep since Stalin's favorite hairdresser got a

California Man Opens Exit Business: Helping the “Golden Prison” Inmates Flee to Texas and Tennessee By Alan Nafzger — Bohiney Magazine (certified 127% funnier than The Onion) The Entrepreneur of Exodus Meet Chadwick

Local Man Declares Himself 'King of the World' After Finding Spare Change in Couch Cushions In a stunning display of self-confidence, 34-year-old Greg Thompson of Cedarville proclaimed himself "King of the

Peloton Raises Fees — Fitness Now Costs More Than Therapy By Tinsel Vandergraph | Bohiney Magazine New York — Peloton announced a price hike today that will make its workout subscription cost more than a

No Kings, Only Queens of Chaos: Anti-Trump Rebels Turn Texas Red (Literally) Filed from Austin, Houston, and a Buc-ee’s Restroom Protest Encampment By: The World’s Oldest Tenured Professor and a Philosophy Major

Picket Signs and Pedagogy In a bold experiment in civics education, Lincoln High School introduced a curriculum teaching students the fine art of protesting. While the administration hoped for mild demonstrations

TikTok Pastor Baptizes Followers with Mountain Dew, Claims 2.4 Million Saved By Staff Writer | Bohiney News Service PHOENIX, AZ — Youth pastor and social media influencer Kyle Braddock has taken his

Local Man's First Date Goes Exactly As Predicted by Everyone Except Him Area Romantic Somehow Shocked When Awkward First Dates Strike Again By Annika Steinmann | Bohiney.com Staff Writer DENVER, CO — In

Publishers Clearing House Bankruptcy: Forever Winners Now Face 'Until Further Notice' Reality PCH bankruptcy filing leaves lifelong prizewinners scrambling for IOUs, therapy, and expired chocolate as "forever" payments end abruptly The End