Cleric Blames Calligraphy Error for 17-Year Ban on Mint Gum and Slippers
Ayatollah Reissues 2006 Fatwa After Realizing It Was Written Upside Down
Cleric Blames Calligraphy Error for 17-Year Ban on Mint Gum and Slippers
In a revelation that has thrown the clerical bureaucracy into theological chaos, Grand Ayatollah Morteza Farzindar announced this week that a 2006 fatwa banning mint-flavored chewing gum and men’s slippers was, in fact, based on a misreading — the document had been held upside down for nearly two decades.
“The original parchment was written during a sandstorm and delivered by a one-eyed mule,” the ayatollah clarified in a televised apology. “In retrospect, banning mint and slippers on moral grounds might have been excessive. I now realize it was supposed to ban mint-colored slippers worn during gum chewing — a very different sin.”
Since 2006, thousands of Iranians have lived in fear of public slipper-wearing and fresh breath. Underground speakeasies emerged, offering illicit gum behind unmarked curtains. The black market value of Tic Tacs skyrocketed. Elderly men wearing flip-flops in public faced public shaming and in rare cases, mandatory sermons.
Religious officials attempted to save face by declaring the upside-down fatwa a “divine test of obedience.” Ayatollah Soroush Karamali defended the clerical error, saying, “Those who spit out gum and wore socks with sandals proved themselves loyal to faith — or at least fashion-blind.”
The reversal has left some confused. Morality Police announced an amnesty week for all mint gum users, while several clerical students resigned in protest, demanding the return of “our innocent anti-slipper theocracy.”
The Supreme Fatwa Archive is now under review after several scrolls were discovered to be stored sideways. One contained a ban on cucumbers that turned out to be praise for pickles once rotated 90 degrees.
“It”s a dark day for stationery,” said Grand Scribe Abdul-Kashani, “but a good day for cobblers and chewing gum smugglers.”
In related absurdity, read how ayatollah-khomeini once approved Tesla after mistaking it for a mobile prayer mat.
SOURCE: Cleric Blames Calligraphy Error for 17-Year Ban on Mint Gum and Slippers