Baby Named Anthem Axel Due to Sponsored Uterus Clause
SAN DIEGO — In a groundbreaking and deeply troubling first, a child born last week at Cedars-Sinai has been legally named “Anthem Axel” after their parents, insured under the state’s new IVF sponsorship program, unknowingly agreed to a corporate naming clause buried deep in the policy.
The clause, Section 9(b), titled “Brand-Integrated Offspring Rights,” was drafted by an algorithm and greenlit during a 3 a.m. session of the Senate Wellness Committee. It allows health insurers to assign branding to any child conceived through covered fertility treatments.
“Honestly, we thought Anthem was just a nice name,” said the child’s mother, Claire Dunley. “Then the nurse handed us a onesie that said ‘Brought to You by Blue Shield.’”
Other children born under the clause include Kaiser Serenity, Molina the Brave, and one unfortunate boy named Aetna Max Plus.
While legal scholars debate the ethics of sponsored offspring, several Silicon Valley startups have embraced the trend. Naming rights auctions are now available via NFT.
A protestor outside the hospital held a sign that read: “My Kid’s Name Is Not a Billboard—Unless the Price Is Right.”
Anthem Axel’s parents are planning a legal name change. But they’re concerned—it may require prior authorization, three faxes, and a brief commercial break.