Terrible Karaoke Duets
“He Went Full Cooper. She Went Full Gaga. The Crowd Went Full Nope.”
During a drunken Wednesday karaoke night at The Crooning Loon, couple Angie and Trevor chose “Shallow” as their duet–what followed was a sonic tragedy that witnesses have compared to “a goat losing a trumpet battle.”
“She started with raw emotion,” said the DJ. “Then he came in… off-key and off-earth.”
Mid-song, Angie glared. Trevor howled. A patron passed out. The bartender wept softly into a bowl of lime wedges.
By the bridge, Angie ad-libbed the line, “Why do you always do this, Trevor?” Trevor responded by improvising a bass solo with a plastic straw.
The performance ended in silence. Then applause–from one man who thought it was satire. It wasn’t.
The couple broke up on stage. The mic was returned with a note that read: “We tried. The music didn’t.”
“Shallow” has since been banned at The Crooning Loon. A new rule requires all couples to pass a “vocal compatibility quiz” before duetting.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
