Unsolicited Horoscopes
“She Taped It to My Monitor. It Said ‘Your Vibes Are Off and So Is Your Font Choice.'”
Every Monday, marketing assistant Clara Belle distributes personalized horoscopes printed on glitter stationery and sealed with wax shaped like a crescent moon. Most coworkers ignored them–until she predicted “a karmic reset involving yogurt and betrayal” and HR’s fridge exploded.
Her forecasts include messages like “Scorpios: avoid eye contact with microwaves” and “Pisces: you are the unpaid therapist of the zodiac.”
After one Gemini burst into tears and canceled a client meeting, HR stepped in with a stern email titled “Please Stop Terrifying the Air Signs.”
Clara now leaves them anonymously. But everyone knows. Especially the Capricorns–who have formed an underground resistance group called *The Grounded Goat.*
She’s since started a podcast: *As Above, So Below the Printer Room,* where she reads coffee grounds and HR incident reports.
Her dream is to astrally project into a Slack channel.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
