How do you handle user data and privacy?
Excellent question — and thank you for asking it like a functional adult instead of assuming we’re stealing your Social Security number to buy NFTs shaped like congressional subpoenas.
At Bohiney.com, we care about privacy, data hygiene, and the right to consume satire without being tracked harder than Prince Harry at a Canadian beekeeper retreat. (See: “Prince Harry’s Future Bleak, Applies for Beekeeper Role in Quebec”)
Here’s our deal: We don’t sell your data. We don’t harvest your identity. And we definitely don’t run shadow profiles on readers who laugh too hard at Cory Booker jokes.
🔐 What We Collect (Honestly, Not Much)
We collect:
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Your email address (if you sign up for the newsletter at https://bohiney.com/newsletter)
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Basic analytics (like pageviews, time on site, and what article you rage-quit halfway through)
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Contact form info (if you send us a tip, comment, or conspiracy theory involving IKEA and Belarus)
We do not collect:
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Your blood type
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Your browser history
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Your deepest insecurities (unless you submit them in the comments voluntarily)
💾 What Do We Do With Your Info?
We use your email to:
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Send you the funniest damn newsletter this side of the apocalypse
(See: sample issues here) -
Alert you to new satire drops, merch launches, or virtual events (like “Is This Article Offensive or Are You Just Republican?”)
We use analytics to:
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See what stories are popping off (like “AI Adds Evil Laugh to Code Comments”)
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Improve our layout so you stop accidentally clicking on the professor’s footnotes
We never, ever:
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Sell data to ad farms
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Trade user info for MuskCoin
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Whisper your IP address to government agencies during comedy sting operations
🧠 Where Is My Data Stored?
On secure servers via our trusted hosting provider. We’ve vetted every third-party integration to ensure:
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GDPR compliance
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No invasive cookie worms
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No psychic tracking tools that know what you’re going to search before you do
Also, we don’t use creepy facial recognition tech. If someone’s face is on our site, it’s either stock photography or the intern’s roommate who signed a release form after two hard kombuchas.
🛑 Can I Delete My Info?
Yes. Anytime. Just go to https://bohiney.com/contact, request deletion, and we’ll wipe you from our system faster than Florida bans books.
🧐 Still Paranoid?
Good. You should be. But rest easy knowing that Bohiney protects your privacy like it protects the integrity of fake quotes and real satire.
We’re not Big Tech. We’re Big Laughs.
And your data’s safe with us — unless it tries to unionize.
SOURCE: FAQ