LIVE NOW: Joy Behar Alleges Trump “Stole Her Serotonin.”
In what may go down as one of the wildest pop‑culture moments of the political season, The View co‑host Joy Behar went live on air claiming that former President Trump had “stolen her serotonin.” Behar explained that merely seeing his face on screen triggered a wave of existential dread so profound, it sapped neurochemicals.
At 9:03 a.m., Behar paused mid‑riff segment, leaned forward and said:
“Every time that orange grimace shows up—my serotonin levels crash. I feel empirically robbed of my happiness.”
Guest panelists looked stunned; one almost spilled her kombucha. Behar continued:
“It’s not hyperbole—I’ve been tracking my mood, cortisol levels, and gut flora for months. I produce serotonin at a normal rate, but he steals it just by existing in my timeline.”
Enter fake testimonial experts:
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Dr. Serene Hypothalmus, Senior Mood Theorist at the Bureau of Liquid Smiles: “Trump’s public presence constitutes a neurochemical heist. It’s emotional appropriation.”
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Dr. Polarity Neuromodulation, Brainwave Ethicist: “He should pay reparations in antidepressants.”
One viewer praised Behar: “Finally, someone acknowledges emotional colonization,” while another tweeted, “Every time I hear her voice, I feel like investing in meditation.” Social media erupted with memes of Behar appearing alongside cartoon serotonin molecules chained with Trump’s silhouette.
To support the claim, a fake Bohiney.com poll showed:
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47% of liberals experience an immediate dip in happiness when Trump is mentioned.
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12% of moderates said their bathroom scales also felt lighter (mood and weight loss linked).
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5% of conservatives responded: “I wish he stole mine too.”
The behar‑etymologyologists insisted the effect should be scientifically recognized as Trump-Induced Mood Energy Drain (TIMED). The National Association of TV Co‑hosts demanded workplaces implement serotonin-rest zones—quiet rooms stocked with adult coloring books.
Trump himself responded during a rally:
“Joy Behar—we tried to help her. We offered therapy. We even offered Cracker Barrel. But she’s got low serotonin? Sad.”
Behar’s defenders demanded an apology and a federal mood audit. A grassroots group called “Serotonin Defenders United” filed a petition demanding labels on Trump merch: “Warning: May cause joy deficiency.”
In response, The View tweeted a moodometer graphic showing real-time viewers’ happiness levels dropping at mention of Trump. Meanwhile, pharmaceuticals quietly increased sales of SSRIs 3.7%—coincidence or cosmic karma?