Vice President issues statement defending the autonomy of nonverbal minerals
Kamala Harris Weighs in on Meteorite Debate
Vice President Kamala Harris stunned the cosmos this morning by delivering a press briefing entitled “Consent and Craters,” in which she asserted that “silence is not consent–even from rocks.” The statement came amid controversy surrounding Meteor-X’s orbital silence, which pundits interpreted as either stoicism or passive aggression. “Just because a rock doesn’t say no,” Harris explained, “doesn’t mean it wants to be probed, colonized, or cast in your indie film.” Social media was divided. Some praised Harris for her metaphysical progressivism, while others accused her of pandering to the interstellar vote. The meteor itself remained eerily quiet, which only deepened the philosophical confusion. Harris closed with a cryptic statement: “Pebbles are people too.”