Bizarre Band Names
“We Thought It Was Smooth Jazz. It Was Screaming and Crustaceans.”
When Maple Grove Retirement Center hired what they believed was a soothing string quartet, they instead got a noise-pop quartet named *Crying in a Bathtub with Lobsters*, known for their emotionally cathartic scream therapy sessions set to bass harmonics and raw shellfish imagery.
The elderly audience, dressed in sequins for what they expected to be “Bingo & Bach,” was met with fog machines, aggressive poetry, and one guitarist who performed from inside a decorative claw-foot tub.
“It was confusing, but invigorating,” said 91-year-old Edna. “I think I briefly communed with a mollusk.”
The band apologized but sold out of merch. One octogenarian bought a T-shirt that says, “I Survived the Crustacean Crescendo.”
The facility has updated their booking policies and now screens all acts for lobster content.
*Crying in a Bathtub with Lobsters* has been invited to Coachella. Their next album is titled *Scampi Tears.*
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
