Country Singer’s Bold Mission: “Make Minnesota American Again” Tour Set for October 2025
In a move that’s sure to stir both excitement and controversy, country music sensation Buck “Stars and Bars” Johnson has announced his audacious “Make Minnesota American Again” (MMAA) tour, slated to hit the Land of 10,000 Lakes this October. The tour promises to be a cultural extravaganza aimed at reintroducing Minnesotans to what Johnson deems “authentic American values.”
Is Minnesota Even American Anymore?
Minnesota used to be the heartland, a land of hardworking, flannel-clad Americans who thrived on hotdish and ice fishing. But somewhere along the way, things took a turn. Now, Minneapolis is more interested in public transportation than pickup trucks, and people are drinking oat milk instead of straight-from-the-cow freedom juice.
Tim Walz and his progressive policies have turned the state into a Scandinavian utopia where taxes are high, everyone recycles, and people actually trust their government. Hockey has overtaken football, electric cars are replacing good old gas guzzlers, and instead of celebrating the Fourth of July with fireworks, some people hold “mindfulness retreats.”
Even the food is suspect—where’s the barbecue? Where’s the deep-fried bacon-wrapped patriotism? It’s clear: Minnesota has drifted from its all-American roots, and Buck Johnson’s “Make Minnesota American Again” tour couldn’t come soon enough.
A Mission to Reclaim Americanism
At a recent press conference held at the Mall of America’s rotunda, Johnson, clad in a sequined American flag shirt and cowboy hat, declared his intentions: “Folks, it’s time we remind Minnesota what it means to be truly American. Apple pie, country music, and good ol’ fashioned patriotism have been missing up here, and I’m fixin’ to bring ’em back.”
Johnson’s statement has left many Minnesotans scratching their heads, wondering if their state had somehow seceded from the Union without their knowledge. “Last I checked, we were still part of the U.S.,” said St. Paul resident Karen Olson. “But if Buck thinks we need a refresher, who am I to argue?”
Tour Highlights: A Cornucopia of Americana
The MMAA tour is set to feature a variety of events designed to immerse Minnesotans in “true American culture.” Highlights include:
- Deep-Fried Everything Festival: A celebration of culinary excess, featuring deep-fried butter, deep-fried Coca-Cola, and for the health-conscious, deep-fried salad.
- Monster Truck Rally on Ice: Combining Minnesota’s love for ice with America’s love for oversized vehicles, this event promises thrills, spills, and probably a few insurance claims.
- Patriotism Pageant: Contestants will compete in categories such as Best Bald Eagle Scream, Most Patriotic Outfit (bald eagle costumes encouraged), and a recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance while riding a mechanical bull.
Merchandising Madness
Never one to miss a marketing opportunity, Johnson has unveiled a line of MMAA merchandise that includes:
- Red, White, and Bling Cowboy Hats: Because nothing says patriotism like sequins.
- “I Heart Freedom” Foam Fingers: Perfect for pointing out those who look un-American.
- Constitution Pocket Squares: For those formal occasions when you need to reference the Second Amendment.
Critics Weigh In
Not everyone is on board with Johnson’s mission. The Minnesota Association of Norwegian Descendants (MAND) issued a statement saying, “We appreciate Mr. Johnson’s enthusiasm, but lutefisk and lefse are as American as apple pie in these parts.”
Local historian Dr. Ingrid Svensson added, “Minnesota has a rich tapestry of cultures, all of which contribute to the American experience. We don’t need a one-size-fits-all definition of Americanism imposed upon us.”
Johnson’s Rebuttal
In response to his critics, Johnson took to social media, posting a video of himself riding a bald eagle (courtesy of questionable CGI) and proclaiming, “Haters gonna hate, but freedom’s gonna soar!”
The Grand Finale: A Fireworks Spectacular
The tour will culminate in a grand fireworks display over Lake Minnetonka, synchronized to a medley of Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the USA,” Miley Cyrus’s “Party in the USA,” and an original rap by Johnson titled “Yankee Doodle Swag.”
Tickets and Further InformationTickets for the MMAA tour go on sale July 4th and can be purchased at www.BuckJohnsonFreedomFest.com. In a nod to inclusivity, attendees are encouraged to bring their own lawn chairs, as seating will be “first come, first served, just like in the good ol’ days.”
Final Thoughts
Whether you’re a die-hard patriot, a curious onlooker, or someone who just enjoys a good deep-fried Twinkie, Buck Johnson’s “Make Minnesota American Again” tour promises to be an event like no other. As Johnson himself puts it, “Let’s put the ‘U.S.A.’ back in ‘Minnesota’!”
Note: This article is a satirical work and should not be taken as factual reporting.
10 Things About Minnesota That Are “Un-American” (According to Buck Johnson’s MMAA Tour)
- Tim Walz’s Politics – Apparently, if your governor believes in things like public transportation and healthcare, you’re practically Karl Marx in cowboy boots.
- Minneapolis’ Love for Bicycles – Real Americans drive oversized trucks that get 9 miles per gallon. If your primary mode of transportation is a bike, you might as well be riding straight into socialism.
- Lutefisk – A fish that’s soaked in lye for days? That’s not just un-American, that’s a violation of the Geneva Convention.
- The State’s Obsession with Hockey – If it’s not football or NASCAR, Buck Johnson isn’t interested. Anything that involves Canadians excelling is suspicious at best.
- High Taxes on Beer and Cigarettes – Nothing screams tyranny like making hard-working Americans pay extra for their right to consume freedom juice and liberty smokes.
- Prince – Sure, he was a musical genius, but any man who rocks a purple velvet suit and refuses to drive a Ford F-150 is raising eyebrows in Johnson’s America.
- Minneapolis’ Attempts to Defund the Police – Because apparently, some folks in Minnesota forgot that real Americans love their cops almost as much as their AR-15s.
- The State’s Lack of a Proper BBQ Culture – Vegan-friendly quinoa salads and artisanal cheeses? Where are the smoked briskets, people?
- The Overuse of “Ope” and “Uff Da” – A true patriot doesn’t say “Ope, let me squeeze right past ya.” He says, “Move it or lose it, buddy!”
- The Existence of Al Franken – A former comedian who became a politician? That’s like letting your plumber perform open-heart surgery.

15 Observations About the “Make Minnesota American Again” Tour
- Buck Johnson says he wants to “Make Minnesota American Again,” which is confusing because last time we checked, it wasn’t applying for Canadian citizenship.
- Nothing screams “authentic American experience” like a deep-fried butter-eating contest followed by an impromptu CPR demonstration.
- Johnson’s tour features a “Monster Truck Rally on Ice” because nothing says ‘freedom’ like watching a 12,000-pound vehicle slide uncontrollably across a frozen lake.
- The “Patriotism Pageant” awards points for reciting the Pledge of Allegiance while riding a mechanical bull—because that’s exactly how our Founding Fathers did it.
- Attendees are encouraged to dress as bald eagles, proving once and for all that nothing is too ridiculous if it’s draped in the American flag.
- Johnson’s merch stand includes “Constitution Pocket Squares,” because nothing says legal expertise like wiping barbecue sauce on the Fourth Amendment.
- Fireworks over Lake Minnetonka will be synchronized to Lee Greenwood, Miley Cyrus, and a country-rap remix called “Yankee Doodle Swag.”
- Minnesotans love their Scandinavian roots, but Johnson is determined to replace lutefisk with “freedom-flavored” hot dogs.
- The “I Heart Freedom” foam fingers are perfect for pointing out suspected communists, or just for flipping burgers with extra liberty.
- The official tour snack is a deep-fried apple pie, because regular apple pie simply isn’t American enough.
- Some local historians have pointed out that Minnesota has always been American, to which Johnson replied, “Not American enough.”
- Johnson plans to host a seminar on the importance of cowboy hats in American culture, even though he’s never been west of Nashville.
- The “Freedom Toss” game consists of throwing tea into Lake Superior—because that worked so well in Boston.
- The event offers a contest for “Best American Accent,” which will mostly involve people from Texas explaining how vowels are optional.
- Critics say the tour is unnecessary, but Johnson insists it will “revitalize American values”—by selling $49.99 T-shirts and $15 funnel cakes.

10 Comedian One-Liners About the MMAA Tour
- “Nothing says ‘freedom’ like watching a guy in an eagle suit chug a Bud Light while standing on an ice rink.” — Jerry Seinfeld
- “I love how we have to ‘Make Minnesota American Again,’ as if it’s been secretly annexed by Sweden and nobody noticed.” — Ron White
- “They say the tour will bring back American values. What are those, exactly? Traffic jams, overpriced beer, and a guy named Chad yelling, ‘Let’s goooo!’?” — John Mulaney
- “Minnesotans are already American, but sure, let’s add some monster trucks and deep-fried patriotism just to be safe.” — Bill Burr
- “They’re selling ‘I Heart Freedom’ foam fingers, because nothing represents democracy like a giant, floppy #1 hand.” — Sarah Silverman
- “The fireworks show includes a rap called ‘Yankee Doodle Swag’—because what better way to honor America than forcing hip-hop into a history lesson?” — Chris Rock
- “I don’t know if making Minnesota ‘American again’ involves banning lutefisk, but if so, I might be on board.” — Jimmy Fallon
- “If I wanted to see a giant truck spinning out of control on ice, I’d just drive through Minnesota in February.” — Trevor Noah
- “The deep-fried butter contest sounds fun, but let’s be real—there’s no such thing as a winner in that scenario.” — Kevin Hart
- “The tour ends with fireworks set to Lee Greenwood and Miley Cyrus, because what better way to celebrate America than with a ‘God Bless the USA’ twerk remix?” — Stephen Colbert
