Faux Motivational Speakers
“He Told Us to ‘Harness the Wind Inside’–Then He Fist-Bumped a Bonsai Tree.”
After years of failed startups and a brief stint as a bar trivia host, Denny Plaxco reinvented himself as a motivational speaker–despite having no qualifications beyond a loud voice, tight slacks, and a laminated quote from Confucius.
“I realized no one checks credentials if you start your speech by shouting ‘Let’s disrupt the mediocre!'” he said between lunges.
Denny’s act includes yelling phrases like “BE THE BLENDER, NOT THE SMOOTHIE!” while tossing stress balls into the crowd and drawing nonsense graphs with labels like “Synergy Horizon” and “Growthplosion.”
He ends each talk with a dramatic reading from a fortune cookie and a slow-motion high five to himself in a mirror.
Corporations can’t get enough. One HR manager said, “We don’t know what he said, but Susan from accounting hasn’t cried in a week.”
Denny now offers $799 masterclasses and a self-published eBook: *Motiv-H8trix: Dodging Doubt With Delusion.*
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
