Jury Duty Tales
“They Said ‘Dress Respectfully.’ I Said ‘Aye, Matey.'”
When software developer Doug Weathers tried to avoid jury duty by showing up in full pirate regalia–complete with eyepatch, fake parrot, and a cutlass made from foam pool noodles–he assumed he’d be sent home instantly. Instead, he was appointed jury foreman by a judge with “a noted tolerance for eccentric nonsense.”
“The judge said it showed initiative,” Doug said, still wearing a tri-cornered hat that smelled faintly of rum extract and self-sabotage.
Over the course of the week-long trial, Doug led deliberations in full character, referring to the accused as “the scurvy knave,” the prosecution as “landlubbers of the law,” and called for a verdict of “guilty, but yarrrgh.”
Fellow jurors say they were initially annoyed, but eventually leaned into it. “He made legalese entertaining,” said one juror. “Plus, we all got pirate nicknames. I was ‘Mistress of Voir Dire.'”
The judge reprimanded Doug only once–for attempting to swear in a witness using a treasure map instead of the Bible.
Doug has since launched a side business officiating weddings in full pirate regalia and hosting mock trials at birthday parties under the brand *The People v. Pegleg.*
He’s been called for jury duty again next year. This time, he’s considering “cowboy congressman.”
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
