Returned Copy of “Diet and Discipline” Prompts Ethics Panel, Late Fee Debate
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A diplomatic stir swept the National Archives this week when Mahatma Gandhi quietly returned a library book he had checked out in 1931. The book, a tattered copy of “Diet and Discipline: A Colonial Digest,” was slid across the front desk along with a single raisin and a handwritten note: “Sorry. Time is an illusion.”
Archivists were stunned. “We didn’t even know Gandhi had a library card,” said curator Janice Moldwhit. “It’s not in our digital system. It predates barcodes, ballpoint pens, and belief in bureaucracy.”
Ethics committees have been convened to determine whether the return violates federal classification law. Some Republicans claim the overdue book may contain radical vegan subtext, while Democrats worry Gandhi’s handwritten apology–signed in turmeric–could be misinterpreted as foreign interference in the Dewey Decimal System.
Library of Congress staff quickly scanned the volume for microfilm encryption, blood oaths, or invisible ink. “We found a few curry stains and one pressed mint leaf,” confirmed technician Harold Spindly. “But nothing yet that qualifies as a code or curse.”
The Justice Department is also investigating whether Gandhi’s return constitutes “retroactive noncompliance” with literacy transparency standards. A Freedom of Information Act request has been filed to examine all materials borrowed by deceased world leaders who are now, somehow, reanimated and wandering U.S. government buildings.
Pressed for comment, Gandhi declined interviews, only pausing to whisper, “Knowledge borrowed must be knowledge returned.” He then disappeared into the Rare Manuscripts Room, presumably to commune with a scroll or ask forgiveness from a papyrus.
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