Boomers Who Think Wi-Fi Is a Conspiracy
Routers of Evil: Boomers Who Think Wi-Fi Is Spying on Their Plants
When the Internet Becomes the Enemy (Again)
Some boomers believe Wi-Fi isn’t just invisible–it’s also evil. “That blinking box is why my begonias won’t bloom,” said Edna from Arizona, pointing to her Netgear router like it was planning a coup.
Funny Evidence from Retirement Communities
According to a survey from the Institute of Analog Rage, 34% of boomers think Wi-Fi is government surveillance, 22% think it causes memory loss, and 9% believe it killed their dog in 1998.
Quote from a Wireless Warlock
“Every time I get near the router, my knees hurt,” said Gerald Technofoe. “That can’t be coincidence. I was fine in 1974.”
Satirical Solutions
To combat this perceived threat, one senior center wrapped all modems in tinfoil and now runs on pure speculation and rotary phones. Google searches are conducted by shouting questions into a drawer.
Conclusion: The Signal Is Strong, But the Logic Is Weak
If Wi-Fi really is a conspiracy, it’s the slowest, most buffering plot ever launched. And somehow, it still can’t connect during Zoom bingo.
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