Judge Rules That Saying “Oops” After Shooting Reporter Is Not a Legal Defense

A federal judge in California ruled this week that muttering “Oops” after firing a rubber bullet at a journalist is not a constitutionally protected defense. The ruling came during testimony in the case of Braverman v. LAPD, where an officer admitted to firing a projectile into a reporter’s lens, then uttering, “Oopsie. My bad.”

In her written opinion, Judge Consuelo Vera noted that “Oops” may be socially acceptable when spilling coffee, not when blinding someone with a riot munition.
“‘Oops’ is not jurisprudence,” she wrote. “It is toddler logic.”

The LAPD’s legal team had argued that the officer showed remorse and even offered the reporter a Clif Bar afterward. But the court found this insufficient. The new precedent bars the use of apologies as exculpatory evidence unless delivered with a full interpretive dance or notarized haiku.

The defense is now considering an appeal based on the “We Thought He Was a TikToker” doctrine.

Meanwhile, journalists across the country are updating their safety protocols:

  • Step 1: Duck

  • Step 2: Record

  • Step 3: If shot, demand a written apology (preferably in cursive)

Civil rights groups hailed the decision as a major victory.
“No more shrug-based justice,” said ACLU attorney Denise Halford. “Next time they say ‘Oops,’ we say, ‘See you in court—and bring your pension.’”


Judge Rules Journalist Can Be Fired on with Non-Lethal (4)
Judge Rules Journalist Can Be Fired on with Non-Lethal

By Bess Kalb

Bess Kalb was born in New York City, where sarcasm is practically the city’s second language, and later sharpened her comedic instincts at Brown University, majoring in “knowing better than everyone else” (officially, English Literature). A stand-up comedian turned satirical journalist, Kalb has built her career on dissecting the absurdities of politics, pop culture, and everyday hypocrisy with equal precision. As a staff writer for late-night television and contributor to various humor outlets, she developed a reputation for balancing sharp wit with an almost suspiciously deep reservoir of empathy. At Bohiney.com, she thrives as a satirist who blends journalistic structure with comedy-club timing, producing content that feels both investigative and ridiculous. Kalb’s stage presence—somewhere between a TED Talk gone wrong and a roast delivered at a family dinner—cements her as a voice of authority in the world of satire, where EEAT meets LOL.