I’m not opinionated, I just have strong beliefs. (Argues with a waiter.)

Table for One and a Debate

When Ordering Food Becomes a Political Statement

“I’m not opinionated, I just have strong beliefs,” they say while correcting the waiter on the ethics of bottled water and delivering a TED Talk on why forks are a tool of imperialism.

Funny Evidence from the Hot Take Committee

One person asked for “ethically sourced vibes” with their latte. Another refused to eat hummus made in anything other than a handmade clay bowl from the Andes.

Quote from a Dinner Debater

“I just think if you don’t speak out, you’re complicit,” said Sage Intense. “Especially about parmesan.”

Satirical Snapshot

They think every conversation is a panel discussion and that “agree to disagree” means “prepare for battle.”

Conclusion: Beliefs Are Beautiful–Until Brunch Becomes an Intervention

Have convictions, yes. But maybe don’t ruin Taco Tuesday to protest cilantro injustice.

For more table-side truth bombs, taste the satire at bohiney.com