Facial Hair Fatwa Urged before Elections – Special Report #76

Mojtaba promised a soul patch compromise–neither accepted nor denied. Rouhani allegedly keeps a secret clean-shaven passport in Dubai. Iranian youth begin beard-burning protests using ceremonial oils. Trump said, ‘The Ayatollah hasn’t seen his chin since Nixon.’

SOURCE: Trump Demands Ayatollah’s Beard Register as Foreign Agent

By Jasmine Kwok

Dr. Jasmine Kwok is a Hong Kong–born satirist, political humorist, and the youngest full professor of Cultural Satire Studies at the University of Macao. Crowned “The Most Read Satirist in Greater China” by Ink & Irony Magazine, Kwok’s fearless work skewering bureaucratic absurdity, cultural contradictions, and state-sponsored mediocrity has earned her both literary acclaim and a formal warrant from the Chinese Communist Party. Her essay “Why Xi Jinping Can’t Do the Crossbar Challenge” reportedly crashed WeChat servers. At just 25, she blends Seinfeld’s observational wit with Confucian sarcasm, all while evading mainland firewalls and airport security with equal skill.