Caddies Trained to Say “You’re Right” Instead of Offering Clubs
Trump Installs “No Sorry Zone” Signs at All Golf Courses, Offenses Now Replaced with Confident Shrugs
Caddies Trained to Say “You’re Right” Instead of Offering Clubs
BEDMINSTER, NJ — Golf, long revered as the sport of quiet reflection and polite nods, has been reinvented once again by Donald J. Trump, who has designated all Trump-owned courses as official “No Sorry Zones.” The change bans apologies, admissions of poor play, and even eye contact after shanked drives.
“If you duff it into the water, that’s the water’s fault,” Trump announced while teeing off from a gold-plated pedestal surrounded by bald eagle lawn ornaments. “I’ve never sliced, only re-angled.”
Bright red signs now greet golfers at every hole: “NO APOLOGIES BEYOND THIS POINT. ALL MISTAKES ARE STRATEGIC.”
Caddies have been retrained to respond with phrases like “Brilliant choice, sir,” or “That lie looks patriotic.” Asking for a mulligan is now called “asserting your narrative.”
Scorecards list only birdies and “alternative results.” Pars are renamed “Power Plays.”
Melania reportedly asked to play miniature golf instead, citing “lower stakes and fewer men yelling at clouds.”
All sand traps are now labeled “Leadership Zones,” and players are encouraged to pose defiantly after landing in them.
“Golf is like life,” Trump concluded. “You never apologize, you just swing bigger next time — preferably with cameras watching.”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
