New Policy Includes “Oops-Proof” Coverage and Blame Transfer Hotline
Trump Introduces “Apology Insurance” Plan: Monthly Premium Covers Anything You Refuse to Admit
New Policy Includes “Oops-Proof” Coverage and Blame Transfer Hotline
MAR-A-LAGO, FL — In what experts are calling “a revolutionary advancement in accountability evasion,” Donald J. Trump has unveiled his latest venture: *Apology Insurance*, a monthly subscription that guarantees legal and emotional coverage for all things you flat-out refuse to take responsibility for.
“Why say sorry when you can pay a small fee and move on like a champion?” Trump beamed at the launch, held inside a ballroom lined with velvet portraits of people not making eye contact.
The basic plan, “Bronze Blame,” covers minor offenses like bad tweets, ghosting exes, and skipping jury duty. The platinum tier, “Total Denial,” includes international faux pas, family disputes, and up to two televised scandals per quarter.
All plans come with a 24/7 Blame Transfer Hotline, where operators are trained to redirect guilt onto millennials, coastal elites, or wind turbines.
Policyholders receive a “Sorry Sucks” wallet card and an app that generates confident rebuttals using phrases like “It’s a learning moment for *them*, not me.”
Melania was reportedly offered the role of brand ambassador but replied, “I already have internal coverage.”
“This is about freedom,” Trump declared. “The freedom to never say you’re sorry — and have the paperwork to prove it.”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
